At my first baby shower (pre-three boys) my mother-in-law gave me a Christmas quilt. Each year my children are subjected to posing with it for holiday photographs.
Last year my mom and I once again took the boys into Sears Portrait Studio at Golden Triangle Mall. I was relieved when I noticed the studio was deserted. The one photographer on duty did not seem pleased that we had made it to our appointment.
I explained to her that I brought a quilt to use for background. I then went on to explain how previous photographers had attached it to the Sears’ portrait studio equipment for the last 6 years. I need ONE portrait 5 x 7 to match the 6 I have at home from previous years.
She took the quilt and started what turned out to be a 15 minute process of quilt arrangement. I tried to be helpful, but she was a bit hostile.
Finally, she called that she was ready.
She arranged the older boys kneeling behind a chair where the baby was to sit.
The baby freaked and we spent 5 minutes bribing, cajoling and tricking the baby into the chair. It worked. We are picture ready!
1, 2, 3…POP! I pop the binky out of the baby’s mouth for the picture…
AND
*silence*
Nothing.
No picture.
No series of flashes.
Nothing captured on film.
I turned to the photographer and said, “I am going to pull the binky out so you can get a picture.”
Meanwhile, she is fussing at the older boys for moving despite the fact that they have been amazing little statues for the last 8 minutes kneeling.
1, 2, 3…POP!
AND
*silence*
I yell, “OK, we are ready!”
*one flash:*
A flurry of post-picture movement ensues.
*Get everyone settled down*
1, 2, 3…POP!
*pause*
*crickets*
*silence*
and finally as if in slow motion…
*one flash:*
By this point the older boys are legitimately complaining and needing to move.
I ask if we can switch poses.
No.
NO?
Nope. This is the ONLY way she can get the portrait 5 x 7 I requested.
That is weird. I guess all portrait 5×7 pictures in the entire universe of 3 boys have two on their knees and a baby in a small, white wicker chair in front of them.
I calmly suggest that they all sit.
That won’t work!
At this point she is saved by a phone call.
While she is out of the room answering the phone I arrange the boys on several red blocks I find in the room.
She returns.
I announce, “we are ready!”
1, 2, 3…POP!
*silence*
*more silence*
*continued silence*
*yep, more silence*
*one flash:*
The boys are off in 3 different directions.
I say, “OK, we are finished”.
She says, “I have to get individual pictures”.
“I am not going to buy individual pictures”.
She sets up for individual pictures.
Boy #1: Sitting by himself. Almost in tears.
She is yelling, “Smile! I can’t take the picture until you smile!”
It was ugly.
So ugly that grandma stepped in and said, “here lets take a picture on grandma’s lap” so she got positioned and flash:
Whew. One down.
Boy #2: Sitting on grandma’s lap. Traumatized by recent photographic events. Fidgeting. Grandma gently rocks to calm him.
She yells, “stop moving! I can’t take the picture if you move like that!”
The rocking continues because boy #2 is upset.
“Stop moving!”
“Take the picture!” I scream.
*flash:*
That is enough!
I say, “we are done”.
Grandma takes the boys and heads to the mall play area.
The photographer starts to chase them into Sears.
I say, “what are you doing?”
She says, “MA’AM, I CAN’T EVEN SHOW YOU THESE PICTURES UNTIL I HAVE 6”.
We have been there for 30 minutes and she only has 5 shots.
“TAKE MY PICTURE NOW!”
And then she poses me.
Sideways to the camera, looking over my shoulder and with both thumbs in the back pocket of my mommy jean capris.
*flash:*
And that is how I ended up with a picture of myself with a pleasant “mommy about to make the 6 o’clock news with violent attack on photographer at local department store” expression on my face.
She had her 6 shots.
I bought ONE portrait 5×7 of the first shot.
Holly wrote this story last year for June Cleaver Nirvana. It is one of her favorite stories and she has vowed to post it yearly…
Wow!! Hopefully a year later you can laugh about it :). At least they’re all looking at the camera…
I still LOVE this story!!! LOVE IT!!
Love the expression on your face! Hope you have it framed!
I remember reading this last year and loving it. Thanks for re-posting it. Gave me a GREAT smile 😉
I’m glad you reposted this too! My all time favorite Mommy-blog Christmas story!! This belongs in the newspaper…have you sent it in?
I am laughing so hard over this that I am crying. PRICELESS!
We have had our fair share of photographer incidents, one which included a photographer informing me she did not know how to make my kids smile (huh?) and another who almost let my three month old fall off a table because she thought he could sit by himself.
Cracks me up every time…the telling of this story MUST become a family tradition – think of how it will get better and better with time! I love it!
This has got to be one of the funniest stories I’ve read in a long time–I was laughing so hard it brought me to tears. So sorry you had to endure, but man, it made a great story.