Holly got ready.
Ready for something she hasn’t done in years.
Holly realized that she had only
one pair of jeans that fit well. She had no choice but to go shopping for
another pair.
Why has Holly not been jean shopping for years?
Maybe because last time she went shopping for jeans she
entered the store as
a confident woman and
exited the store as
a huddled mass yearning to be free of her obvious body disfigurements.
For you see, in
non-jean-shopping-life Holly is OK with her body. She is not in love with her shape, but has accepted it and moves on…
Yet for some reason, in
jean-shopping-life all that changes.
Holly’s
non-jean-shopping THIGHS are OK, but her
jean-shopping THIGHS appear like over-stuffed, dimpled sausage.
Holly’s
non-jean-shopping WAIST is OK, but her
jean-shopping WAIST creates plumber-effect.
In
non-jean shopping-life Holly never met a tailor. In
jean-shopping-life Holly has never met a pair of jeans that didn’t require a skilled one.
Holly recruited a friend for moral support.
Holly wasn’t sure about the morality, but could really use the support.
Soon Holly was back in a dressing room with an ever-growing pile of ill-fitting jeans.
*Hold me*
Just about the time Holly was about to slip into her pre-existing Post-Traumatic Jean Shopping Syndrome, the sales clerk asked her to try on one more pair.
Holly tried on the jeans.
Holly was puzzled.
Something was different.
Very different.
The jeans fit.
*cue the angel choir*
Where did you find these jeans that fit so perfectly?
The men’s department.
Yep.
In
jean-shopping-life Holly is a
boy.
Holly realized that she had only one pair of jeans that fit well. She had no choice but to go shopping for another pair.
Why has Holly not been jean shopping for years?
Maybe because last time she went shopping for jeans she entered the store as a confident woman and exited the store as a huddled mass yearning to be free of her obvious body disfigurements.
For you see, in non-jean-shopping-life Holly is OK with her body. She is not in love with her shape, but has accepted it and moves on…
Yet for some reason, in jean-shopping-life all that changes.
Holly’s non-jean-shopping THIGHS are OK, but her jean-shopping THIGHS appear like over-stuffed, dimpled sausage.
Holly’s non-jean-shopping WAIST is OK, but her jean-shopping WAIST creates plumber-effect.
In non-jean shopping-life Holly never met a tailor. In jean-shopping-life Holly has never met a pair of jeans that didn’t require a skilled one.
Holly recruited a friend for moral support. Holly wasn’t sure about the morality, but could really use the support.
Soon Holly was back in a dressing room with an ever-growing pile of ill-fitting jeans.
*Hold me*
Just about the time Holly was about to slip into her pre-existing Post-Traumatic Jean Shopping Syndrome, the sales clerk asked her to try on one more pair.
Holly tried on the jeans.
Holly was puzzled.
Something was different.
Very different.
The jeans fit.
*cue the angel choir*
Where did you find these jeans that fit so perfectly?
The men’s department.
Yep.
In jean-shopping-life Holly is a boy.
I’m so trying that with men’s bathing suits.
Be warned. Putting your hands in the front pockets, makes your crotch itch. I’ve seen it happen many many times.
Too funny! I think we all know too well this experience. You know the very EXPENSIVE (of course) jeans always seem to fit me just fine. Other than the fact that the legs are about a foot too long. We can’t all be a 5’11” supermodel now can we?
That’s okay… ’cause in blog world, holly is a goddess. This is like one of my most favoritist (shut-up, it’s totally a word) posts ever. ๐
WTG. No mo jean-induced trauma! (Hope you bought several pair.) ๐
This had me laughing so hard I cried. I often resort to wearing men’s jeans, but always feel like everyone’s gonna mention how much my butt looks like a guy’s! Thanks for sharing your jean-shopping sorrows and joys ๐
I love how creative you are! ๐
I love the illustrations, too cute!
I’m glad you found some jeans thou!
Wonderful story! ๐ Great pictures!! He-he. I only have one brand of jeans that I ever wear that fit me. What’s funny is I know some guys that wear girl pants. I think they’re weird…but then again, they’re musicians so I suppose then can get away with ’em.
I am a freaking rolling. Holly, you slay me honey!
Your drawings are the greatest thing ever.
And see, being an hour *coughandahalfcough* glass figure, I can’t find jeans that fit that don’t gap in the waist or go too low.
Jeans. the ultimate punk.