Why Hallmark's CEO is not 6 years old

And now for a story entitled, “My son thinks he was born to Martha Stewart”:

Two years ago, Ryan was in Kindergarten. I was an attentive, but somewhat clueless first time Kindergarten mom. It occurred to me about 30 minutes before his bedtime on Feb. 13 that Ryan probably needed 18 Valentines.

Thank God for the crapload of scrapbooking supplies in my closet.

We cut, stamped and signed 18 Valentines plus a special edition for the teacher.

Whew! I learned my lesson and last year while shopping at the grocery store, I wheeled over to the seasonal area and said, “Let’s pick out your Valentines!”

The exclamation point is needed there because I am just that perky.

To which Ryan replied, “But we ALWAYS make them!”

The exclamation point is needed there because Ryan talks very loudly.

So my dear reader, this is how the handmade Valentine tradition began.

This year it wasn’t even a question. The scrapbook closet opened and grade school Valentine magic happened.

And now for a story entitled “My son was NOT born to Martha Stewart”:

Last year my three boys were working quietly amid giggles on their Valentines. I was pleasantly surprised because although the homemade Valentine tradition was Ryan’s idea that doesn’t always translate into Valentine-making-excitement. Quite often it turns into Valentine-making-against-his-will.

Fun times.

A few minutes later I was presented with this Classic Valentine Card Trio:


This is the popular “I love you but you steenk” which goes to show that first grade Saxon Phonics would label “stink” as a sight word.


This is the romantic “I love you but you wer a diper”.


And finally the wildly loving “I love you but you poop” which requires no editing or explanation.

Happy Valentines Day!

7 Comments

  1. Really, it couldn’t hurt to have a 6 year old as a creative director at Hallmark. Oy, with all the gushing and the flowers.

    These are hilarious. There’s not a girl alive who wouldn’t be lucky to get one of these! 🙂

  2. That is so funny!! I’m so thankful that I never set the homemade Valentines precident! I would lose my mind if we had to do that.

  3. I think you’re targeting these ALL wrong. These would be a HIT at the retirement homes! ‘Yo….

  4. I really did laugh out loud. My daughter wrote a little note to a classmate on her valentine, but I made her start over. She wrote “I think you should stop being sassy, ok” on it. I suggested saving that for a private conversation maybe.

  5. Tammi Perry says:

    Thanks for sharing this, Holly. My girls would love every one of those Valentines, since they too (yes even girls) are into the “poop” stage. Everything ends in, “and she pooped her pants.” This has become very annoying, especially in public or at the dinner table. We should get our children together to have a “poop” extraveganza. We can just wear ear plugs. 🙂

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