Holly has been doing a lot of thinking. Holly has been doing extensive investigating. Holly finds that the best solution to her problem may be installing one of these:
Holly has decided that a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john may be her only option. She has decided that this is the location for her new purchase:
Why would Holly who lives in a lovely suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence with complete indoor plumbing choose to install a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john?
It might have something to do with the plunger that is permanently attached to Holly’s left arm. Holly’s left arm is tired of plunging. Holly has noticed that she is starting to choose outfits in the morning based on whether they match the plunger attached permanently to her left arm.
Holly is wearing green hoping that her green-wearing karma will overcome her low-flow toilet hating soul. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is deep, very deep. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is attached to a body sporting a plunger as a permanent fixture.
Holly’s low-flow toilets seem to have something against the act of flushing.
Hey low-flow toilets…why are you so anti-flush?
Holly also wonders what is the point of low-flow toilets if she has to attempt flushing them three kazillion times with intermittent plunging. Ironically Coincidentally, that is the exact same decibel (three kazillion) Holly’s voice hits when she hears, “Mommy! The toilet isn’t working!”
So, until Al Gore dedicates his life to plunging Holly’s low-flow toilets or suitable alternatives in the United States of Low-Flow Toilets (US of LF T) are legal. Holly is planning this drastic action.
Holly will no longer allow people to use the INDOOR toilets. Holly will lead them to the OUTDOOR toilet which never needs plunging despite the level of crap.
Holly can only hope that the proximity to the patio of the new porta-potty, johnny-on-the-spot, porta-john could encourage its use by a certain Holly’s dog…
oooh…I love the digitally remastered JC in HD!
I feel the same way about water saving shower heads. What’s the point if it takes an extra 15 minutes to rinse the shampoo out of your hair?
oh I AM so in for this. I hate that lowflow pieceofcrap!
Just read this again…and let me tell you MY effing low-flow toilet story!
Imagine…Christmas dinner almost on the table. Hubby grilled awesome, expensive, perfectly-grilled steaks. Mashed potatoes cooked. Corn on cob ready for butter & salt. Children’s dishes all prepared and on the table. Mom starts her plate.
20year old comes running downstairs because “I went to the bathroom & the toilet won’t stop filling!”
I haul ass upstairs, and lo-and-behold, he used 1/2 roll of our nice, thick toilet paper and there is about 2 inches of WATER covering the upstairs bathroom floor. I tell son, go get ALL the pool towels out of your bathroom and RUN!
I take 10 deep breaths and try not to ruin Christmas because I am ankle-deep in shit water.
As I am frantically mopping up the fecal-infested puddle, I hear Hubby yell “Holy SHIT!”. Apparently, the upstairs bathroom is right above a heating duct, which is right over the effing CHRISTMAS TREE.
So…our rediculously expensive Frontgate 10-ft fake tree is being showered with shit water from the heater vent directly above. And there are PRESENTS under the tree still wrapped, which happen to be directly under the shit water shower.
I finish cleaning upstairs. Hubby throws towels under the tree to catch THAT water, then I come down and remove/clean the ornaments now covered in E.Coli and set them aside to dry. I unwrap all the gifts that were poo-watered, and luckily the wrapping paper/boxes took all the water and the gifts were still safe and dry.
ALL the while, Grammie had sat the three kids down to eat dinner and save Christmas dinner somewhat.
So….I definitely have an opinion about low flow toilets! The one thing that we HAVE found that works? Make the 20 year old crap in his own bathroom and I buy the cheapest, thinnest toilet paper I can find because it breaks down faster and doesn’t clog. He is not allowed to use the thick, lotion paper we use ๐
OMG!
Ah, I missed this back in the day, so GLAD you re-posted.
The other day we had company over and our friend came out of the bathroom, a shy girl, and said I think Sienna dropped someting in the toilet and it took me a minute to get it and then i was like “oh……………” I had neglected to tell her that this particular toilet only likes number #1’s…
so i had to go out and buy a plunger on the spot because we’d just moved in. Funny!
I have never enjoyed a home with fantastic flush.
๐
More Animated Holly!
Lady, you always crack me up. Seriously.
Just as funny today as it was then ๐
We have a house built in the 80s when people were way more concerned about the height of their hair (at least, I was) than the flow of their toilets. Yet still, I find myself plunging. A lot. Instead of a porta potty I’ve requested a small hole be cut into the deck we’re building for the backyard.
What I’m trying to say is, the grass isn’t always greener.
i’m so glad my old old house has a very high flow potty.
bwahahahahaaa ๐ This is why I said no to low flow ๐
This was hilarious! And how is it possible that this is the first time I am finding you reading you awesome blog???
You officially have a new reader!