Holly got ready.
Ready for something she hasn’t done in years.
Holly realized that she had only
one pair of jeans that fit well. She had no choice but to go shopping for
another pair.
Why has Holly not been jean shopping for years?
Maybe because last time she went shopping for jeans she
entered the store as
a confident woman and
exited the store as
a huddled mass yearning to be free of her obvious body disfigurements.
For you see, in
non-jean-shopping-life Holly is OK with her body. She is not in love with her shape, but has accepted it and moves on…
Yet for some reason, in
jean-shopping-life all that changes.
Holly’s
non-jean-shopping THIGHS are OK, but her
jean-shopping THIGHS appear like over-stuffed, dimpled sausage.
Holly’s
non-jean-shopping WAIST is OK, but her
jean-shopping WAIST creates plumber-effect.
In
non-jean shopping-life Holly never met a tailor. In
jean-shopping-life Holly has never met a pair of jeans that didn’t require a skilled one.
Holly recruited a friend for moral support.
Holly wasn’t sure about the morality, but could really use the support.
Soon Holly was back in a dressing room with an ever-growing pile of ill-fitting jeans.
*Hold me*
Just about the time Holly was about to slip into her pre-existing Post-Traumatic Jean Shopping Syndrome, the sales clerk asked her to try on one more pair.
Holly tried on the jeans.
Holly was puzzled.
Something was different.
Very different.
The jeans fit.
*cue the angel choir*
Where did you find these jeans that fit so perfectly?
The men’s department.
Yep.
In
jean-shopping-life Holly is a
boy.
Holly realized that she had only one pair of jeans that fit well. She had no choice but to go shopping for another pair.
Why has Holly not been jean shopping for years?
Maybe because last time she went shopping for jeans she entered the store as a confident woman and exited the store as a huddled mass yearning to be free of her obvious body disfigurements.
For you see, in non-jean-shopping-life Holly is OK with her body. She is not in love with her shape, but has accepted it and moves on…
Yet for some reason, in jean-shopping-life all that changes.
Holly’s non-jean-shopping THIGHS are OK, but her jean-shopping THIGHS appear like over-stuffed, dimpled sausage.
Holly’s non-jean-shopping WAIST is OK, but her jean-shopping WAIST creates plumber-effect.
In non-jean shopping-life Holly never met a tailor. In jean-shopping-life Holly has never met a pair of jeans that didn’t require a skilled one.
Holly recruited a friend for moral support. Holly wasn’t sure about the morality, but could really use the support.
Soon Holly was back in a dressing room with an ever-growing pile of ill-fitting jeans.
*Hold me*
Just about the time Holly was about to slip into her pre-existing Post-Traumatic Jean Shopping Syndrome, the sales clerk asked her to try on one more pair.
Holly tried on the jeans.
Holly was puzzled.
Something was different.
Very different.
The jeans fit.
*cue the angel choir*
Where did you find these jeans that fit so perfectly?
The men’s department.
Yep.
In jean-shopping-life Holly is a boy.
Thank you for making my day. I always look forward to these kind of posts from you!
Girl, I feel you. We have the same problem except I am not a stick. My thighs are so large from years of riding horses and then stopping and no keeping the muscle tone up. I love Gap jeans.
Oh my gosh I have the exact same problem. It’s even worse when I am pregnant because apparently they do not really MAKE maternity jeans for non-curvy ladies. I would like to explain to the jeans-making-people that I don’t grow curves like that even when I am pregnant. Instead, I just spend my whole pregnancies pulling up the pants that are too baggy, because that is better than them being too tight.
When I am NOT pregnant, I like Citizens of Humanity jeans. I would recommend them for us non-curvy chicks! ๐
May I suggest looking at the Q-baby style Wrangler jeans– stretch denim and thus more forgiving, reasonably cut and really work for this old cowgirl, even for riding! And nothing wrong with having a boy’s figure, there are worse figures we could have!
Well Done! I Like it!
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My current best-fitting jeans are on my sad, sad butt right now. They are Mom Jeans.
You heard me.
Mom jeans.
Now don’t be a hater. That’s all that fits right. I know, I know — and some mens jeans are okay, too! But they have to be for a really big man.
This was too funny — Holly’s Animated Life FTW — again!
How funny! But hey… They fit! I finally found a pair during this past trip to Colorado and wanted to to break into that “Ode to Joy” in the dressing room!!! Super drawings.
I. HATE. JEANS. SHOPPING. I only have one pair that fits right now, too. I am pretty sure the men’s department wouldn’t be helpful, though.
Don’t feel bad, Holly. Aren’t the boys these days wearing OUR jeans? Uck!