holly gets a pedicure

Once upon a time Holly found herself with an extra hour and 1/2 without three boys who she calls her children. Holly hardly could contain herself. She decided that she would take that time to do something fun for herself.

To pamper herself.

To give herself a hug.

She decided that she would go to the nail salon!

Holly walked into Pretty Nails and found that they had availability RIGHT THEN!

Yay for Holly.

Holly then noted that she was the ONLY person in the salon that didn’t work there.

Lucky, lucky Holly.

This was Holly’s third visit to the nail salon in 37 years (averaging one visit every 12.333333 years).

Her first visit was right before her wedding. She had a manicure with those faux nails. She then spent her honeymoon trying to rip off the faux nails one by one with her teeth because they were driving her crazy.

Holly doesn’t bite her real nails, just her faux ones.

Let’s just admit that she might suffer from PTWFNS (Post Traumatic Wedding Faux Nail Syndrome) and assume that she is not at the nail salon for a manicure:

Yep! Holly is going to kick off her fancy boots for a pedicure.

After a lot of hand motions, Holly gathers from the salon employee that she is supposed to choose what pedicure she wants.

Holly has no idea but decides that she wants to put her feet in warm water and she doesn’t want to mortgage her house to pay for it.

Let’s have a spa pedicure!

Holly is motioned into a massage chair made in heaven. Her feet are placed in clouds of warm water.

Wow! This IS the life:

Holly is relaxing.

Holly is meditating.

Holly is basking in the sunshine radiating from her soul.

It occurs to Holly that the salon employees are talking. And it is serious. In fact, there might even be a bit of yelling going on.

But Holly remains clueless as to WHY since the heated discussion is not in Holly’s native tongue.

And then there is some screaming.

Oh, that would be Holly as her foot is savagely attacked by a salon employee who is simultaneously screaming at another employee.

The screaming continues between the salon employees. No one in the salon has noticed that Holly has joined in.

Then there was some stomping.

And some door slamming.

And then it got very quiet.

Holly looks up and she is still the only person in the salon except now there are no salon employees.

All the salon employees are outside the front door. All she can see through the door and window are wild hand motions.

And then the door opened, a phrase that Holly recognized was uttered…YOU ARE FIRED!

And then another door slam.

These words were hurled at the very salon employee who had been working on Holly’s feet.

This salon employee then grabbed her purse and slammed the door on her way out.

And then it got quiet. Everyone came back inside. Another lady sat down at Holly’s feet.

No mention of what happened.

No comment as to the commotion.

It was almost like they expected Holly not to notice.
The end.

111 Comments

  1. SuburbanCorrespondent says:

    I think it was your fault.

    And, I didn’t see the fish pedicure mentioned as one of the options.

    Click on that link – it’s worth it.

  2. Manic Mommy says:

    Geez, what did you do to piss off the tech?

    I’m in such a coma when I’m getting a pedi that I may not have noticed. Aside from the pain.

    So. How’d your toes come out?

  3. Personally, I think it’s rude of employees to speak a foreign tongue in front of customers – it’s suspicious and makes me paranoid. And then they get upset with you when they deign to speak with you and you cannot understand them.

    On the bright side, being left in the lurch for however short amount of time, while having a root canal done may have been a much more painful experience!

    Glad animated Holly is back. I may or may not have been having animation withdrawls!

  4. If this was to encourage people to get pedicures….

    So, did you leave a tip? 🙂

  5. Ok wait, I am LOLing at too many things at once, first the PTWFNS, then at the fact that they left you in the chair to brawl outside!!!

  6. Threeundertwo says:

    Translation:

    “Looks like this lady hasn’t had her toes done in, like, 12.333 years!”

    “You were in charge of marketing! Why couldn’t you get her in here before”

    “Hey, at least I got her to spring for the spa pedi!”

    “That’s my point imbicile! If they’re only in every 12 years you must talk them into the diamond pedi!”

    “But I don’t speak English!”

    “How you gonna twitter new customers with our pedicure specials if you don’t speak English yet? You’re fired!”

  7. Texan Mama says:

    That is so funny. I used to get my nails done by Asian peeps and I always thought it would be funny if I went in with another friend and we gabbled on and on in another language, occasionally looking at them and gesturing towards them. Maybe they’d wonder, HEY are they talking about me??? I wonder what they’re saying?!?!

  8. Elaine A. says:

    Well, at least you got to hear something in English while there besides, “You need eyebrow wax.” (no, I wouldn’t be talking about me, not at all…)

    So funny that suburban correspondent mentioned the fish pedi. My hus just sent me that link yesterday! ha!

  9. OMG! See what happens when you’re not a regular there? 🙂 I kid. I kid 😉

    That must have been so..um,…awkward!

    I definitely suffer from PTWFNS too. I feel like my nails are suffocating 🙁

  10. Lisa@verybusymomwith4 says:

    My daughter and I had her nails done for her birthday and they jabbered away in Korean–that drives me crazy. They never had a conversation like that one before–what did you do 😉

  11. Annabelle says:

    Oh, how lovely!

  12. the planet of janet says:

    i’m thinkin’ you go for the fish pedi next time. just make sure they don’t put pirhana in there instead.

  13. Really????
    No, “I’m sorry, here’s a discount for your next visit?”
    or “Can we give you a pedi upgrade?”
    What the heck?

    I know a fantastic Facial place. Next time come here. It’s the only sensible thing to do.

    And if you feel out of sorts, I can scream in a pretend language (because I know nothing else) and slam a door or two to make you feel at ease…

  14. How very relaxing. What color did you get?

  15. It’s so funny I can’t even think of anything funny to say to you. It’s just killing me. Why does this happen to people who never go to the mani/pedi place.

    I think I’m averaging the same as you — i think I’m never going again.

  16. And I thought I had some crazy spa stories!

  17. Wow, I don’t what’s funnier – This story or Threeundertwo’s comment.

    I always get a little paranoid that they are talking bad about me… Does that make me narcissistic??

  18. I go into immediate coma mode as soon as my feet hit that water and that back massager starts working, it’s over for me at that point.
    I don’t know how you manage to lead such an exciting life and then find time to blog about it. Plus your acronyms are hysterical!! Pure brilliance darlin’.
    I’m convinced they’re talking about me and my need for an eyebrow wax or the fact that my feet are so rough or just me in general. Paranoid little suckers, aren’t we 🙂
    I do so love your illustrations.

  19. Kendrawolf says:

    I have had a pedicure only 2 times in my life. I’m always worried about how bad my feet look. I feel a bit sorry for the person who has to do my “flintstone” feet.

  20. Marcy - The Glamorous Life! says:

    Oh yeah- that sounds SO relaxing…I am sure you will be back in another 12.3 years.

  21. She was probably on thin ice already, but your “ouch” probably WAS noticed, and that sent her out the door.

    I don’t know why they thing we don’t notice they are talking even when we don’t understand a word.

    I’ve had 4 pedicures in 43 years (I do my own most of the time. Way too ticklish for someone else to do it), but my last one was in New York. I was elated to find that even though there were about 3 separate languages flying around, they could converse with me in my mother tongue well enough for me to understand.

    Cowboy boots in Vegas? Don’t you have cowboy boot stores on EVERY corner in Texas??

  22. You didn’t mention the important parts like the colors and such. You obviously did something.

  23. Jenn @ Juggling Life says:

    Maybe you thought you said “Spa Pedicure,” but they heard “Drama Pedicure!”

  24. I’d have paid good money to see that!

  25. laughingatchaos says:

    You need to brush up on your Vietnamese/Korean language skills. 😉

  26. Happy Campers says:

    Welcome To Nutty Nails. We specialize in freak-outs, schitzophrenia, & break-downs.

    I hope they sanitize better than they pedicure. Is pedicure a verb?

  27. That story is too funny….remind me to tell you of the time I got a pedicure and the employee had a 6th finger on her right hand! It kept dragging across my skin as she was rubbing lotion on my leg. YUCK! That would make a good animated life story! Yikes!

  28. I just hope they had the decencey to offer you a free pedicure after being subjected to that trauma!

  29. franticallysimple says:

    I would have been wondering if it was something I did, but I’m sure that thought never occurred to you.
    Until now.

  30. Oh, you need to get out and get pedicures more than every 12.333+ years. The employees at my salon always talk amongst themselves quite animatedly and rarely acknowledge the clientele. (Is this supposed to entice us?) Although, I must say, I’ve never seen anyone fired. I think. They don’t speak my language either, so who knows.

    At first I thought you were going to say, they were “blah,blah,blah-ing” about your feet! hehe. Kind of like the little button guy and your eyebrows, ya know?

  31. Suz Broughton says:

    I love your “upgrade” menu. That is exactly what it is like.

  32. Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas says:

    Nicely illustrated!

    I’ve never had anything remotely like this happen to me in a nail salon! Bizarre…

  33. Love your drawRings!! 😉 Sounds like even a pap smear would have been more fun.

  34. Next time you could get a manicure and get some fun fingernail fungus or something instead…mmmm….

  35. Hysterical! Your kids’ drawings are fantastic!

  36. I TOTALLY thought it was you that got up and walked out!!!

  37. Wow. That’s really weird. Strange things happen when you try to pamper yourself *grin*

  38. You weren’t suppose to notice it all unless it had subtitles. That was funny!

  39. Next time play it safe and go to a full service salon. I admit that I’ve always frequented the nail places myself….but I’m trying to envision such a scene at Aveda… Great story!

  40. Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart says:

    Do you think these people know you have a great blog and wanted to give you some fabulous material?

  41. I used to be fluent in foreign accents. I believe what she actually said was, “You FILED.” Which she did. Glad I could help.

  42. Jennifer H says:

    Awesomeness.

    I keep thinking I’m going to pick up a little bit of the language I hear when I’m getting my nails done (every 2 weeks, plus a monthly pedi). But so far? Not even a little.

    This was hilarious. And I would put up with any amount of drama, and even a little pain, just to sit in that massage chair for 45 minutes. Those are heaven.

  43. Hope you got a discount.

  44. Insta-mom says:

    Did you tip her extra for firing the maniac who was accosting your feet?

  45. i have never had a pedicure. they scare me. i’ve seen someone get one and the dead skin scraper thingy just about makes me cringe every time. i was just thinking about getting one sometime, but now i am scared.

  46. Oh man… that is a great story. I rarely ever pamper myself either. I would be so paranoid after that happened wonderfing WTF just happened. LOL.

    Great pictures. I love yours illustrations.

  47. Tootsie Farklepants says:

    At least they were fighting and getting fired. Mine are usually laughing and I always fear it’s at my expense.

  48. On a Limb with Claudia says:

    I do love these posts because I totally project that MISS HOLLY is a beauty pro maven. And since Miss C. Christian is a beauty failure, MISS HOLLY is clearly superior to Miss C. Christian. (Which is obvious)

    Anyway, it’s nice to know that you have the same weird ass experiences that I have…. You must be superior in other ways…..

    Miss you at Plurk…

  49. DesignHER Momma says:

    ok, you are freakin’ funny girl! I was just thinking today how I needed to get my first ped of the summer….and I still just might.

    you didn’t let the at your feet with that nasty vegetable peeler did you?

  50. anglophilefootballfanatic says:

    Good Lordy. I need to come get pedis at the places you go. I’m guessing this wasn’t the salon with amazing tile?

  51. Uh huh. Riiiight. Very weird.

    And *I’m* bothered when they try to chat with me in their very bad english and I just want to be left alone.

  52. i hope they did your footsies for free. that’s so lame…

    did you know that pedicure spa jets contain inordinately high amounts of staphylococcus bacteria? really! ever since i was told this i cringe at the thought of a pedicure, as my feet clearly demonstrate.

  53. Auds at Barking Mad says:

    Yet another fine example of why I NEVER NEVER go into nail salons! I just KNOW they are all talking about me in whatever language it is they’re speaking. Probably making fun of my ugly toes, or the fact that I forgot to shave my legs!

    And yeah, the Pedi-Fish link is SOOOOO worth a click.

  54. that is just hilarious! Did they at least offer a free French pedi with the deal?

  55. Kalynne Pudner says:

    Now you’ve gotten ME fired, because I’m at this conference center and there is another lady on the other side of this very thin wall trying to sleep while I am laughing SO LOUD the window panes are rattling (I started with the Vegas boots and peaked at Threeundertwo’s comment, though I’m still delivering aftershock guffaws).

    Someone needs to translate this post into Vietnamese. Real Vietnamese, not the dialect that comes out “Oh, it hut? Solly. I wash blud off, doh wolly.”

  56. skeery.

    salon drama + foreign language = no thanks!

  57. EatPlayLove says:

    LOL! That’s the best. Did you get the bad employee you’re fired right now discount? Wow… drama at it’s finest.

  58. Other than the fact that your mind was probably reeling in shock, did your mouth move sotto voice to utter…BLOG FODDER!!?

    This was AWESOME. For us as readers..

  59. MoscowMom says:

    Wow… I haven’t been able to read your blog in a while and did I EVER pick a good day to visit you again!

    That’s is WACKY!

    So… how do your toes look??

  60. That’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in my life. LOVED IT!

  61. I love, love, love it when you add drawings to your posts!

    And..you’ve inspired me to write about my wacky adventures in nail salons. Hopefully I’ll have something written up by tomorrow. Is it ok if I put a link to your story in my story?

    🙂 Tami

  62. Nap Warden says:

    Notice what?;)

  63. lol (for real!!)

    i'm not even sure what to say.

    i do know that i'm glad i just visited the bathroom before reading your blog.

    you totally made my day. i'm cracking up here!!

    out of your entire story… the most important part to me, since i too am a mom, is how in the hell did you get an HOUR & 1/2 to YOURSELF by YOURSELF???

    you must share your secrets!! 🙂

    SERIOUSLY!!! I need to know!! please.

    xoxoxox

  64. Ron Davison says:

    So, you saunter in there with 12.3333333 years worth of toe nail growth, this poor woman has the audacity to complain about the task before her, and she gets fired. Meanwhile, you sit there in your portable nirvana. Really, Holly, I expected more from you.
    (Okay – seriously – that was funny. Wait? Can I say that something was seriously funny? Once again you’ve confused me. Poor Blog Stedman.)

  65. Hee!
    Meanwhile, the ONLY HAIRDRESSER IN TOWN has decided that she totally hates me and is giving me the silent treatment. Hmm?

  66. Woman with a Hatchet says:

    I, too, suffered from PTWFNS-WTF was I thinking getting fake nails anyway? I spent the next few days soaking and ripping them off. I’d have been better off just having my tiny real nails done. It would have lasted longer!

    Perhaps we both got married in the hey-day of fake french nails? I cop to 1996.

    I love your animated posts!

  67. Burgh Baby's Mom says:

    I am proud to say I have never had fake nails, but I have been in a restaurant waiting for lunch when every.single.person who worked there either got fired or quit. For reals. Four people in a span of ten minutes including the manager who called the owner to quit before storming out and leaving us poor patrons there all by ourselves. With an open bar. I won’t be finishing that story. 😉

  68. A Mama's Blog (Heather) says:

    This is so funny. Great post. I am going to Twitter it. 🙂

  69. Alias Liz Jones says:

    I think that I’ll go for a manicure. I could use a pedicure too. But only if they’re all smiling and only if every one of them are smiling.

  70. Elaine A. says:

    I’ve given you an award so come over and check it out. It’s just cause I like you so much… : )

    (I even copy you and use the “…”)

  71. stephanie (bad mom) says:

    But do your toes look awesome??

    I probably would not have noticed…

  72. Wow sounds like your time away from the kiddo’s was rather interesting. Similar thing happend to me and my brother’s fiancee when we were getting our nails done. Only no one was fired.

  73. The Wrath of Dawn says:

    I believe it may be a violation of federal law to interrupt the sanctity of a pedicure.

    If not, it should be.

  74. Momo Fali says:

    They were probably talking about your feet. Oh no…wait. That’s what I think they’re always talking about when I’M sitting in the chair. I’m totally going to hire a translator to take with me.

  75. Limbic Resonance says:

    When I was preggers and couldn’t reach my feet, my husband painted my toe nails. Now I’m back to doing it myself. Sigh. Can’t sit still long enough in a salon…same reason why I stopped coloring my hair.

    Sorry your down time wasn’t so down, but what a story! 🙂

  76. absurdly yours says:

    If you are going to live and open a government funded business in America… pleasa speaka ENGLISH in all public settings. Thank you! Lol! I would have hobbled out bare footed to see what was going on and ask them to either fight in English or get you a translator!

  77. flickrlovr says:

    WOW. Salon drama. Hello.

    Well, you can’t say it wasn’t interesting. Did you at least get a good pedi out of the deal?

  78. Domestic Accident says:

    When are you going back?

  79. A Mom Two Boys says:

    Wow…that’s quite a story. I take it you won’t be making a standing appointment at that facility?

  80. A Mom Two Boys says:

    PS-that was just your 80th comment…WTH happened while I was gone?

  81. Mrs. Parks says:

    I think this is the best pedicure story EVER!
    I wonder if there is an award for best story about feet….

  82. I got cut by a file today while getting my manicure – STILL better than your pedi!

  83. Ok, Where Was I? says:

    Holy Crap that is funny. But I’m dying to know what happened. Can you get the security footage?

  84. HO LEE SNAP!! That’s crazy. Very crazy.

  85. Sleeping with Ward Cleaver says:

    OMG, Holly, this cracks me up!!!!! You are a magnet for salon trauma, aren’t you?
    BTW I’m on the same manicure schedule as you–and I too did them for my wedding and hated them! I looked totally bogus with those faux claws on!

  86. HA HA HA!! that funny and thats the reason i refuse to go to the nail aslon with out a friend must go in pairs to scary places..

  87. I would just love having my feet soaking in warm water. Did the second person do a good job?

  88. Holly, I have been getting either my nails or toes done since I was 14 on a semi regular basis. Never had anything like this happen before only can this happen to you.

  89. Never have had such a traumatic pedi situation BUT…..

    The only time I ever got the faux nails was for my wedding, too and I did the same thing. I did my darndest the whole honeymoon to chew those suckers OFF. Then, after we got back, I paid almost as much to have the remaining faux nail melted off with….faux nail remover? It smelled NASTY. Anyway. I took nearly as long and cost nearly as much to have them taken off as it did to have them put on.Plus, the nail ladies kept looking at me like I was insane. Never. Again.

    I hope your toes at least look good. Next time you have child-free time? I recommend a nap. Just as refreshing & no yelling.

  90. loved that story! very entertaining! Next time you treat yourself go over to Shelly’s Advanced Skin Care. I go once a month and it’s simply divine!

  91. How do these things happen to you?! So funny. And weird.

  92. I haven’t a clue! I think I might live in a parallel universe.

  93. I do need to have some recommendations for places in town that won’t turn out like that! Thanks.

  94. Jamie Harrington and I were just discussing this on Twitter how we need to have some sort of faux nail training prior to the wedding so the honeymoon doesn’t end up all about ripping off the nails….:)

  95. I just can’t explain it…just report it!

  96. The dangerous portion of the pedicure was over by that point. It was just so weird.

  97. You are probably scared to go with me now…huh?

  98. Oh, God. I can see it. Completely. You poor thing. You may have your next visit to the nail salon at 80! I hate getting pedicures, but like how it looks afterwards. I hate pain and they are always whipping that tough skin remover around…even on people with soft feet. 🙁

  99. Wow. Your feet are powerful.

    I’m sure you only use that power for good.

    Which means that salon employee must also have robbed a bank.

    Or something.

  100. OMG that is hilarious but not hilarious all at once!!! Some crazy salon that is! Glad you got a pedicure I haven’t ever had one, with three crazy munchkins two of which being boys I really think I deserve one. But I am in NH so I will be sure not to go to TX to this salon 😉 LOL

  101. This is ridiculous and hilarious all rolled into one. I hope they gave you a discount — but something tells me they did not.

  102. No. And to make it worse…of course I tipped. Cuz that is just how I am.

  103. I hope you are safe in NH!

  104. Bahahaha – this is hilarious! With incidents like these, it’s no wonder you’re averaging a visit only once every 12.33333 years! Glad you left with all 10 toes in tact – and hopefully nicely painted 🙂

  105. ha! I am in need of another pedicure, but it hasn’t been 12.333333 years. Miss ya!

  106. This happened? Booh, yuck Holly. I love going but I always feel like they are laughing at me. Is that me being insecure is it really happening??
    Hmmm.
    Hope your feet were no worse for wear.

  107. They are TOTALLY laughing at us…

    Luckily I lived through the whole pedicure ordeal. Two words that shouldn’t be next to each other: pedicure and ordeal.

  108. Glad my pain can be inspiring…hahaha. Enjoy!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *