Who is important NOW?

It appears that my three boys are extremely important. So important that they can’t be bothered to stop their important work for something non-important…like going to the restroom. They play chicken with their bladders to a point that it makes me have empathetic contractions. It starts out slowly with a subtle groin hold. Do you need to pee? NO! And progresses to a full body stretch on tip toe to allow more room. Do you need to pee? NO! And finally comes the dancing which escalates into a disco beat. Do you need to pee? NO! Of course not. *wait for it* *wait for it* *wait for it* Once the disco beat pattern is identified it takes approximately 8.5 seconds for the following to happen…

• All movement stops suddenly.
• Eyebrows raise and shoulders are pressed back.
• Entire body pivots toward closest bathroom.
• Full speed run toward closest bathroom ensues.
• Tunnel vision occurs.
• Belt/button undoing may commence.

And what happens when the bathroom door is closed due to prior occupation?

• The dasher screeches to a halt.
• Stares at the door in disbelief.
• Pauses.
• Horrified look crosses face.
• Full brain shut-down occurs.
• No ability to problem solve is present.

And that is why I am needed. Every day this happens and in this moment I am the most important person in the world. The smartest mom ever to have walked the earth. The wisest sage in the land. I am Toilet Yoda… Why don’t you use the other bathroom? Help you I can, yes…