Holly has been doing a lot of thinking. Holly has been doing extensive investigating. Holly finds that the best solution to her problem may be installing one of these:
Holly has decided that a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john may be her only option. She has decided that this is the location for her new purchase:
Why would Holly who lives in a lovely suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence with complete indoor plumbing choose to install a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john?
It might have something to do with the plunger that is permanently attached to Holly’s left arm. Holly’s left arm is tired of plunging. Holly has noticed that she is starting to choose outfits in the morning based on whether they match the plunger attached permanently to her left arm.
Holly is wearing green hoping that her green-wearing karma will overcome her low-flow toilet hating soul. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is deep, very deep. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is attached to a body sporting a plunger as a permanent fixture.
Holly’s low-flow toilets seem to have something against the act of flushing.
Hey low-flow toilets…why are you so anti-flush?
Holly also wonders what is the point of low-flow toilets if she has to attempt flushing them three kazillion times with intermittent plunging. Ironically Coincidentally, that is the exact same decibel (three kazillion) Holly’s voice hits when she hears, “Mommy! The toilet isn’t working!”
So, until Al Gore dedicates his life to plunging Holly’s low-flow toilets or suitable alternatives in the United States of Low-Flow Toilets (US of LF T) are legal. Holly is planning this drastic action.
Holly will no longer allow people to use the INDOOR toilets. Holly will lead them to the OUTDOOR toilet which never needs plunging despite the level of crap.
Holly can only hope that the proximity to the patio of the new porta-potty, johnny-on-the-spot, porta-john could encourage its use by a certain Holly’s dog…
At least you are choosing your outfits to match the plunger and not the splashes that hit your clothes when you use the plunger, right?
Our toilets are jet-powered and decidedly not Low Flow (the builder who constructed the house for his own family of six daughters is not a Gore supporter, evidently). But the two youngest girls’ penchant for using half a roll of tp — every time — and never flushing — no times — is too much for even jet power.
My biostatistician hubby (yes, I have a formula in crayon) worked underground utility for 2 years.
He snakes the toilets and tub a couple times a year. He even rotorooted the house last year.
IMHO, Stedman needs to cowboy up a bit here. It’s not hard – he deals with much grosser stuff – he can handle it. Put on the scrubs, get the toilet snake and snake those toilets.
(Can you tell I’ve been therapist to a lot of doctors??)
COWBOY UP STEDMAN!
Just tell him that a biostatistician does it…. count to 5….
Yuck! I’m all for green initiatives, but I’m quite hypocritcal about it. You know, like if it inconveniences me, at all.
By the way, thanks for your sweet comment on my post yesterday.
Holly I need one too. Although my toilet does flush I have one bathroom and four family members. Do you think I can install a porta potty in my apartment building lobby. NO one may notice.
I store a plunger next to both toilets, and not a day goes by without hearing “Mommy, the toilet’s plugged!”
I am so over it. I am all for the two-button system, but only if the #2 button has a jet engine operating it.
The save-the-Earth people got this one wrong…at 4 flushes per use, no wonder the world is running out of water.
We have no Low Flow toilet. As I look around at my fancy lightbulbs, super energy saving appliances, etc. I’ve felt supreme levels of guilt at my lack of hybrid vehicles, or fancy toilets…
thank you for relieving your frustration AND alleviating my guilt! You are a rockstar in my book, (a book printed entirely on recycled paper!) and I would used your Stinky porta potty with pride, completely snubbing your indoor potty on the way out!
What a great story you’ve told here and so funny! It may surprise you to know how many people can relate to bad plumbing stories and I am definitely one of them!
Join me for my Wordless Wednesday post if you can:
Just Some Thoughts
OMG! Same here in Virginia! I have a plunger in every bathroom of my home! When I went to Walmart and purchased 7 plungers (yes, I have 7 bathrooms), the cashier looked at me like I was crazy.
Every day I have to plunge a toilet. It’s ridiculous!
I totally agree. What is the point of one of these things if you have to flush it three kazillion times.
I’m laughing so hard I need to go pee . . . but I can’t, because I have a lousy low flow toilet too!!! UGH! This is how they really save water–they DON’T flush!
“Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark.” Oh, may you find light in the porta potty . . .