Ladies “ can we talk? I have been humiliated and embarrassed today, all for the sake of fashion. This is injustice and I must do something about it. Here's what happened:
I love to shop and love a good sale. A few weeks ago I found the bargain of the year, an adorable black strapless evening dress for “ are you ready for this – $9.88. Marked down from $228! Even though it was one size larger than I wear, it was too good to pass up. Some minor alterations and it will be perfect.
As luck would have it, my adorable black dress and I have an event to attend this weekend. The only thing needed to complete the outfit is, well, a strapless bra.
Easy, right? First stop, large department store number 1. They seem to be low on stock as I see nothing in my size, so I ™m off to even larger department store number 2. Tons of brassieres in a rainbow of colors. I begin my search for a basic black strapless version in my size.
Who knew that this would be such a monumental task? Like trying to find a mythical unicorn. Sure, there are tons of undergarments “ all colors of the rainbow, some with lace, some with pretty patterned fabric. But apparently I ™m a minority when it comes to lingerie. You see, I ™m a petite person and not exactly well-endowed in this area.
I pass row after row of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. Some with cups so big I thought they were football helmets. My apologies if I ™m offending any of you who are able to wear such a garment. I have no idea what that would be like.
Frustration begins to overwhelm me when I find nothing, um, petite enough for me. (Saying I ™m petite in this area sounds much better to me than saying I ™m small) Then the sales clerk points me toward something so hideous, so embarrassing, that I almost start to cry. A rack of items called bralettes .
What the heck is a bralette? It appears that a bralette is an undergarment that hopes to grow up to be a bra someday. Must be something that a person can put their ˜booblettes ™ in. I notice that this rack of undergarments “ I can't say the word bralette anymore “ appears to be in the teenage section of the department.
Humiliation and embarrassment set in. Where is that clerk? Now, if she's merely trying to tell me that I look so young that I ™m mistaken for a teenager, then all is good with the world. My gray roots and I thank you. But I think that was her polite way of saying honey, why even bother with a strapless bra? There's not enough there to worry about .
This is injustice! My small chest and I demand equal rights in the form of fashionable bras “ not bralettes “ in petite sizes. First, we plan a sit-in at the Maidenform headquarters. Then on to Washington where we will push for legislation that provides beautiful lingerie for all the petite chested women out there. Who's with me?
Or maybe me and my booblettes will sulk back to the store and pick up a bralette so I can wear my adorable new dress. I ™ll go in disguise so no one will recognize me. Only I have to know that I ™m wearing the 21st century version of the training bra.
Oh, the price I pay for fashion. But I still plan to look adorable in my new outfit.