Print this handy, dandy toilet paper conversion table and take it with you shopping next time.
You might also want to take your calculator.
You might also want to take a baseball bat to hit your head repeatedly.
Or you could just use your shoe.
Can I just say…..WHY CHARMIN?
Why is it necessary to produce 8 products that are actually just one product in variable sizes?
It is like they invented their own world over there at The Charmin and things just got out of control.
First they invented the regular roll. I may have not done proper research for this ground breaking piece of crap investigational blogging, but I don’t find an accepted world wide standard for toilet paper roll size (metric or otherwise).
So, they just named it.
Then they thought…gee, I think it would be great to have something a twice the size,
and then two and a half times the size
and then FOUR TIMES THE SIZE.
Stop the madness Charmin.
Next thing we know we will be carting home big wheels of toilet paper the size of truck tires that are 64 times the size of the fictional regular roll.
Then they went on to price each roll differently.
Then they went on to package each roll differently.
Then they market their product to mommies that are suffering from sleep deprivation and can’t do advanced math in their heads standing in the paper product aisle at Target supervising three children who are independently making their own selections of plates, plastic spoons and cartoon character decorated paper towels while screaming loudly and calling for a game of hide and go seek.
OH! And once you do choose your mega package (not to be confused with the mega roll which is 4 times the size of a regular roll)…it WILL NOT FIT IN THE CART. Just carry it under your arm while wrangling the three kids and pushing the cart (do I need to draw a picture?).
Conspiracy?I am re-posting this rant because it is one of my favorites. It originally aired on 4/3/08.
For your math convenience:
Print this handy, dandy toilet paper conversion table and take it with you shopping next time.
You might also want to take your calculator.
You might also want to take a baseball bat to hit your head repeatedly.
Or you could just use your shoe.
Can I just say…..WHY CHARMIN?
Why is it necessary to produce 8 products that are actually just one product in variable sizes?
It is like they invented their own world over there at The Charmin and things just got out of control.
First they invented the regular roll. I may have not done proper research for this ground breaking piece of crap investigational blogging, but I don’t find an accepted world wide standard for toilet paper roll size (metric or otherwise).
So, they just named it.
Then they thought…gee, I think it would be great to have something a twice the size,
and then two and a half times the size
and then FOUR TIMES THE SIZE.
Stop the madness Charmin.
Next thing we know we will be carting home big wheels of toilet paper the size of truck tires that are 64 times the size of the fictional regular roll.
Then they went on to price each roll differently.
Then they went on to package each roll differently.
Then they market their product to mommies that are suffering from sleep deprivation and can’t do advanced math in their heads standing in the paper product aisle at Target supervising three children who are independently making their own selections of plates, plastic spoons and cartoon character decorated paper towels while screaming loudly and calling for a game of hide and go seek.
OH! And once you do choose your mega package (not to be confused with the mega roll which is 4 times the size of a regular roll)…it WILL NOT FIT IN THE CART. Just carry it under your arm while wrangling the three kids and pushing the cart (do I need to draw a picture?).
Conspiracy?
Print this handy, dandy toilet paper conversion table and take it with you shopping next time.
You might also want to take your calculator.
You might also want to take a baseball bat to hit your head repeatedly.
Or you could just use your shoe.
Can I just say…..WHY CHARMIN?
Why is it necessary to produce 8 products that are actually just one product in variable sizes?
It is like they invented their own world over there at The Charmin and things just got out of control.
First they invented the regular roll. I may have not done proper research for this ground breaking piece of crap investigational blogging, but I don’t find an accepted world wide standard for toilet paper roll size (metric or otherwise).
So, they just named it.
Then they thought…gee, I think it would be great to have something a twice the size,
and then two and a half times the size
and then FOUR TIMES THE SIZE.
Stop the madness Charmin.
Next thing we know we will be carting home big wheels of toilet paper the size of truck tires that are 64 times the size of the fictional regular roll.
Then they went on to price each roll differently.
Then they went on to package each roll differently.
Then they market their product to mommies that are suffering from sleep deprivation and can’t do advanced math in their heads standing in the paper product aisle at Target supervising three children who are independently making their own selections of plates, plastic spoons and cartoon character decorated paper towels while screaming loudly and calling for a game of hide and go seek.
OH! And once you do choose your mega package (not to be confused with the mega roll which is 4 times the size of a regular roll)…it WILL NOT FIT IN THE CART. Just carry it under your arm while wrangling the three kids and pushing the cart (do I need to draw a picture?).
Conspiracy?
There are times when between job, kids, home and Evil Cats, that I stand in a grocery store, leaning desperately against a cart, and honestly cannot remember what items in the aisles are considered EDIBLE, let alone what of those items my home may actually be in need of. And of course, this will be the time I stumble upon something like the Charmin toilet-paper-integral-calculus-conversion table.
CHARMIN KNOWS THIS.
Charmin knows the fragile state moms are in, they know that we wander the aisles, sleep deprived and either 1)dragging three toddlers along hoping that they don’t secretly pile dozens of boxes of Chocolate Frosted Pop-Tarts into the cart while we’re not watching, or 2)trapped in an internal nightmare world where we’re envisioning our three teen-agers driving while texting and convincing people to buy them peppermint schnapps from the local liquor store.
This, quite frankly, is predatory marketing.
I believe legislation is in order.
Remember when toilet paper came in colors?
Oh my! This made me laugh! I thought I was the only one who got confuzzled over the toilet paper algebraic formula!
And, I’m the one carrying the mega package out to the parking lot. We have 7 girls, so we go through a LOT of toilet paper. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Holly,
Again, you have me laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face. I can so relate to this post as I have often wondered the same thing about the Charmin madness. Bravo lady, bravo.
As someone who is RIDICULOUSLY brand specific, I can totally relate.
1) Sour Cream: MUST be Daisy (and none of that low-fat/no fat crap.
2) Milk: 1 Gallon whole, 1 Gallon skim, 1/2 Gallon 1%
3) Bread: Orowheat Country Buttermilk & San Luis Obispo Sourdough
4) Butter: I Can't Believe It's Not Butter WITH Olive Oil
I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.
We buy the huge packs of costco brand tp. It is much softer that the cheap stuff, but much less expensive than the Charmin. They do make a u-shaped replacement spindle so you can use the larger rolls on an old paper holder. For the larger sized rolls of paper towels, we have a tabletop holder from Lowes that the larger rolls fit in. Once we use a 1/4 of the rolls, I transfer them to the old wooden holder hanging from the bottom of a kitchen cabinet.
But here’s the real conspiracy: you won’t use fewer squares of the Super Double Roll puffy kind. So even though it technically equals two rolls of regular, you will still go through it at the rate of one roll of regular. Which means you are paying DOUBLE for the same number of wipes of your buns. And THEN, they stop selling “regular” rolls and convince every other damn toilet paper maker to do the same, and now suddenly a pack of toilet paper costs $12 and lasts exactly as long as the $6 packs did.
Creeps.
Dude, anyone who buys Charmin is totally throwing their money in the toilet.
Ba-dum-bum (rim shot)
Charmin is the WORST value for the money. Check out the square feet per price. Scott is the best value. I buy the Scott 100, although some people say it’s scratchy I would disagree. But the extra soft is a good value too.
If you want to see my post on this, go to my blog and search “charmin”. You’ll find it!
I just keep buying the Target brand,
I’d like to out Bounty as part of this conspiracy. I buy the ‘my-God-your-kids-really-spill-that-much-size. The one that says 12 BIG rolls = 18 ‘regular’ rolls. Again, who decided? And just tell me how many freakin’ rolls of paper towels you’re trying to sell me!