O Tannenbaum! Gesundheit!

Blog-Stedman and I have celebrated 18 Christmases together. 15 of those have been celebrated under the plastic boughs of a faux-tree.

The first few Christmases we had a fake fir for financial reasons. Once we were a bit more established (Christmas #4) we jumped in our Cherokee and drove to a local tree farm.

I love a real tree. They are so real. They are so tree-y.

We chose a beautiful tree.
Tied it to the roof.
Toted it home.
Set it in the living room.
Decorated it with care.
Stood back and admired it.

Around midnight the first night we both started to sniffle.

Odd. That we would both catch colds at the same time.

The sniffles continued throughout the entire holiday season.

Merry Christmas! sniffle. sniffle.

The sniffles were thrown out to the curb with the dead tree 4 weeks later.

Oh! Maybe we are allergic to certain Christmas trees.

Year two we toted home a different variety with the same results.

Merry Christmas! sniffle. sniffle.

Year three we toted home a different variety with the same results.

Merry Christmas! sniffle. sniffle.

By the fourth year (ya, we are quick learners…) we decided we were more fake tree folk because being merry is much easier when you can breathe.

Fast forward 11 Christmases to a gray minivan full of three boys passing a local Christmas tree “farm”* today:

Reid: Why don’t we get our Christmas tree there?
Me: We already have a tree! Remember helping me put it together?
Ryan: Those are REAL TREES.
Reid: Oh.
Ryan: You don’t want a REAL TREE because they are FULL OF BUGS and when you take them home there are SQUIRRELS and RATS living in them IN YOUR HOUSE…

I love it when I don’t have to say anything more.

*The Christmas tree “farm” is actually the pumpkin patch after a holiday make-over that I animated here.

Oh, and guess what?

Yep, there is an identical Christmas tree “farm” next door.


  1. goooooood girl says:

    your blog is very good……

  2. we are fake tree people too. Allergies are a factor. The mess is a factor… and knowing several families who lost there homes to xmas tree fires is the biggest reason.

  3. I think you should take some Allegra, get the real tree full of bugs and squirrels and rats because IMAGINE the things about which you could blog then, you lover of all God’s creatures!

  4. the planet of janet says:

    what louise said…

    except ryan is very very wise.

  5. Angie Ledbetter says:

    Fake tree lover here too. Got one at Lowe’s a last year that’s pre-lit, and it was only $60 after $40 rebate! (When one leaves real tress up till March or later, one needs fake trees that do not shed or catch fire!) 🙂

    Come by and vote in my Christmas Tree contest today if you get a chance.

  6. We have a fake tree too, but not because of allergies. The real tree we got a few years ago clogged our built-in vacuum to the point where I thought we’d never be able to use it again. I love my built-in vacuum more than I love my trees, I can tell you that much.

  7. Weaselmomma says:

    “twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everybody was sneezing and blowing snot out”

  8. Valarie Lea says:

    One year I decided to use real trees on my front porch on either side of the front door. I looked rather nice. 🙂

  9. Thanks Ryan for taking over!

  10. Eudea-Mamia says:

    I was having the same thoughts the other day as I was dragging the box down from the attic…”ah, good memories you’re creating here Mama.”

    I need a Christmas card with that on the cover!

    You know which tree lot I would pick ;-).

  11. lol. i sure do hope when we put our tree up in the house NOTHING comes out of it.. not bugs, critter… and especially NOT RATS!!

    i do love when kids talk themselves or other siblings out of something. 🙂

    their reasoning is just so funny!!


  12. Issas Crazy World says:

    I am a bad person I think. Even though my daughter and I are asthmatics, we still get a real tree. It just isn’t Christmas too me, unless a trip or two to the ER is involved. 🙂

  13. Jenn @ Juggling Life says:

    I resisted forever, but once I gave in I haven’t looked back. I just burn wonderful smelling candles and bake cinammon rolls. Good smells? Check.

  14. Fantastic!!

    Growing up we only had real trees, but once I got married the hubby put the kabosh on that one. So we’ve had a fake fir ever since.

    Love the part about bugs and squirrels. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

  15. The Stiletto Mom says:

    Again with the identical pumpkin now tree farm? I’m still mad at them for my Halloween experience!

  16. Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says:

    Ha! Love it – we had a related conversation in our car last night.

    “Why are those Christmas trees outside, Mommy?”
    “Cuz they’re real, and, um, well, I don’t know why they sell them outside. They probably have bugs in them.”
    “Can we get a real tree? We can take the bugs out!”
    “Why not?”
    “What would we do with the pretty (fake) tree we already have?”
    “Put it outside.”


  17. anglophilefootballfanatic.com says:

    Is there really something with the name? Cause we have a fake tree for the same reason. Way to to mom’s dirty work, Ryan.

  18. Elaine A. says:

    I didn’t know those places turned into tree farms at the holidays but I guess it makes sense. Duh.

  19. Manic Mommy says:

    After its close-up last Christmas, Our real tree lived (and died) in my side yard until Andy finally threw it away in the spring.

  20. Jenni Jiggety says:

    I believe the first commenter said it best…

  21. Lizz @ Yes, and So is My Heart says:

    Oh, you are funny, I see where your boys get it from.

    We have a fake that we bought for forty dollars 4 years ago. Jealous? 🙂

  22. Jennifer H says:

    The pumpkin/tree lots should just hire dueling banjos and be done with it.

    I’m assembling our tree tonight. My least favorite part is making the bendy branches go the right way.

  23. My brother is also allergic to Christmas trees. It’s definitely not worth it.

  24. nonlineargirl says:

    I have never heard of being allergic to pine. Sorry to hear it. (And if you know what is good for your nose, you won’t visit Oregon any time soon.)

  25. Trannyhead says:

    That sucks an egg, man. Fake trees also suck an egg.

    But I do not suck an egg.

  26. jill jill bo bill says:

    Thank goodness for the Griswald’s teaching Ryan all he needs to know.

  27. Yep, definitely a good reason to go for the fake tree. Wild animals on the inside of the house do not compare with the beavers that Holly hunts on the outside…

  28. Terri Tiffany says:

    Fake trees all the way!!

  29. you know I adore me some June Cleaver Nirvana stories – so I stumbled for ya.


  30. livelaughlove95 says:

    We’re a fake tree family. We tried real trees our first few years of marriage but the fiascoes we encountered were too much of strain on our relationship so we switched to fake to save our sanity and our marriage! 🙂


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