photodiary of a kitchen floor

Dear Nirvana Reader,
This is a plea for help. I could be beautiful. I am neglected.

I can prove it.

This is my life:

8:00 am:Please don’t make me tell you what meal yesterday the Frito is from.

No one swept me last night.

No one swept me this morning.

10:30 am:Yes, now I am enduring not only REAL food, but faux food as well.

Please notice that the Frito remains. It is like an itch I cannot scratch.

1:15 pm:Great. Smashed goldfish were added from lunch.

And the stickers. I never can be free from the stickers.

4:00:Yes, the wide shot is better to see the real picture of what is happening here. See that marker? Non-washable.

She is insane…3 boys and she buys a non-washable marker?

Do you see what I am dealing with here people?

6:30 pm:Whew. Progress. First time all day that progress is being made.

Toys picked up…well, actually scooted to the adjoining concrete floor (don’t get him started) to make room for the broom…ah, I can feel the joy already.

7:45:This is getting a bit irritating.







Please use it!

9:00 pm:Are you kidding me? It’s getting quiet around here.

No one loves me. She just walks by. Leaving the broom here is just evil. It is like she is mocking me.

6:15 am:I just spent the whole night dreaming of that broom. Bet she just puts it away and I live like this through another day.

For the love of Frito’s, could you just humor me and pick that ONE up?

Holly’s kitchen floor

P.S.   I originally made this plea in March of 2008.   Things haven’t changed much around here except the addition of handfuls of Legos…help.


  1. That was cute!
    have you picked up the frito yet?!

  2. A Mom Two Boys says:

    Tell your floor I’ll send Tahoe right over. That Frito would have been gone in 1.4 seconds flat AND there would have been a nice polished SHEEN to the wood. At least until the slobber dried.

  3. jennifer h says:

    This is brilliant! I was laughing the whole way through. Your floor and my floor could unionize. Except that Frito wouldn’t have lasted 10 minutes, since we have a dog. Everything else would still be there, though.

    I feel your (floor’s) pain.

  4. You need a Dust Buster. I got one for Christmas (and yes, I asked for it) and my floors have never been happier!

  5. Your floor and my floor could have great bitch sessions together. They would become life long friends.

  6. Happy Campers says:

    HA!!!! You need some dogs who will eat floor food. Our floors have nary a scrap…NOT because we’re clean or because I actually clean the floor. They hoover up any bits before they hit the floor!!!

  7. Holly’s floor: Hang in there. It will be over soon. Think of Frito as a snack and be thankful you have no gauges or ugly holes.

    your concerned and caring friend, Rhonda

  8. Domestic Accident says:

    Tell your floor to put her big girl panties on and just deal with it. Sheesh.

  9. You obviously don’t have dogs. No fritos survive on our kitchen floor. But the dog hair…oh, the dog hair.

    BTW, threw a potluck today. You’re invited.

  10. My floors are probably saying the same thing. It’s everyone not just you. I am going home and cleaning tonight. They will be so happy!

  11. Betsy Bird says:

    My floor feels your floor’s pain. Someone gave me a Shark for Christmas — do you suppose that was a hint? — and I still haven’t used it. Roseanne Barr said the day she’d clean the floor would be the day someone invented a riding vacuum. My sentiments exactly.

  12. anglophilefootballfanatic says:

    Holly! That is so this Holly’s kitchen floor. And, are you, like me, very frustrated by hard wood (not water proof) in the kitchen, too? Mine’s totally ruined by the toddler.

  13. What a great post!! I was on the floor laughing. 🙂

    I have to admit that floors are the one thing I can’t stand dirty. It is my OCD *thing*. I think it has alot to do with the two labradors that reside with us……

  14. Tootsie Farklepants says:

    Um. I think your kitchen floor would like to see you for a second. I hope you can make her understand that, really? What’s the point? She’s just going to get be-Fritoed in like an hour after sweeping.

  15. Loralee Choate says:

    My floor and I never talk anymore. It just screams at me all the time and says I’m abusive.


  16. Little Lovables says:

    Oh my gosh, this is hilarious!!

    I actually saw in a home show they used a ton of fritos on the floor and stained around them to add a “textured” and vintage feel (they did sweep them up later though). It was actually pretty 🙂

  17. MoscowMom says:

    You crack me up! You also inspired me… I’ve been thinking about how to blog about the neverending renovations going on in our building; I might have the building speak for itself 🙂

  18. You’ve got ground in goldfish too? Our floors should get together! :0)

  19. Christine says:

    My tile floors can totally relate.

  20. You got the memo about dogs right? As long as your floor can stand the dog hair and scratch paws, it is a great solution.

  21. Jerseygirl89 says:

    Your floor has been talking to my floor, hasn’t it?

  22. You know, if I took photos of my kitchen floor…there would be no floor to see. It is covered with snow…from the dog…in the door, out the door, in the door, out the door. I kind envy yours.

  23. Wow, I have that Frito’s twin on my kitchen floor, as well as the same play dough pink plate and fake food.

  24. Purple Teacup says:

    Buy a Shark Sweeper. Brooms are so “June Cleaver.” LOL

  25. A Mom Two Boys says:

    I just googled “fritos on the floor” specifically so I could be one of your google search results. Success!

    Oh- and I love Purple Teacup’s comment. Very cute.

  26. I have a similar manifesto written from my coffee table.

  27. This so reminds me of my kitchen floor. This morning I had to get a plastic bowl out of the cabinet from the bar stool side. I had to sit on the floor to look in and I put my hand in something sticky that had no color. I have no idea what it was. Then when I got up to walk away I stepped in it and my pantyhose stuck to it and I had to pull them off.

    I didn’t wipe it up.

  28. Crackin me up. Love the photos. And know that you are not alone.

  29. Holly – why in Heaven’s name isn’t your dog doing his job as designated floor cleaner? I have many things on my kitchen floor, dirt and dog hair included, but food is never there for long.

  30. I love you. Thank you for making me feel better about my kitchen floor. Replace the Fritos with dog hair tumbleweeds and Cheerios. Oh, and was it Frito Pie?? Was it, was it? Mmmm… I want some Frito Pie now. What red blooded Texas kid is not raised on a little bit of Frito Pie?

  31. My broom is currently leaning against the kitchen table where I put this morning,intending to sweep the floor but never got started.

    Probably I ought to go sweep the floor before the slate takes over my blog

  32. That’s why I hear voices when I nap in the kitchen (only when I’m cooking dinner). Didn’t know floors had such a sense of humor.

  33. Haha! Brilliant! And good luck with that floor…

  34. and the legos hurt mommy-feet WAY more than fritos. Why don’t the kids ever complain about how it hurts THEIR feet when they step on legos…? I don’t get that.

  35. May I suggest a dog. My dog perhaps? There wouldn’t of been a full 10 seconds that the chip remained on the floor. You can borrow her anytime…can’t guarantee she won’t pull additional food off the counter, no one is perfect.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *