Now, if you immediately rolled your eyes, I am with you and so are many others. In fact, the couple is receiving all sorts of backlash on social media since this is where they posted their request.
She’s not wrong.I just keep thinking that in the time it took him to write up that list, he could have made a bunch of meals in advance and froze them.
— Rhonda Bentz (@RhondaBentz) April 20, 2019
Yes, they posted this request on the internet for the world to see. Actually, they posted it on Meal Train which is a giving website sort of like GoFundMe. This was their post on their Meal Train page (it has since been deleted):#MealTrains are great! Supporting new parents is great! But, uh, normally it’s the *friends* of the new parents that support them with a Meal Train. I have never, ever, seen anything as bizarrely entitled as this. Good neighbors will help each other, yes, but this…is…?
— Jason Dunn (@jasondunn) April 19, 2019
The description reads:
“As the father-to-be, I’m teetering on a fence of emotions. On one side is joy and excitement, of course, but on the other side is a great deal of fear! One of the things I’m most afraid of is not getting a great deal of sleep and as a result not being in the best frame of mind to offer my wife the support she needs to recover from the child-birthing process.”- Jim Burns, father-to-be
Okay, let me stop right there – I get that and it seems at first that he just has the first time dad nerves. Something we all can relate to (mom nerves are real too).
Most dads would say this either to family, friends and maybe even post it on social media but his continued message, is what really bothers me…
“That’s why I’m putting together this “Meal-Train” or “Mental-health check-in Train” or “Do you need any help today train.” A meal would be awesome. If you feel comfortable reaching out before you arrive to see if we might need anything else – that’d be even more awesome. Neither of us are particularly extraverted or easy with direct asks for assistance – but having some postpartum support pre-arranged will serve our comfort levels as we move into this new phase of our existence. The official due date is April 29th. Check out the “Special Instructions” section to for important drop-off and visit information as well as a collection of meal and snack ideas.”
Let’s process this – the dad claims nether of them are “extraverted or easy with direct asks for assistance” however, this is the most extraverted way I could think of to ask for assistance.
But what really gets me is where he was talking about “special instructions” because you see, it’s not just something like, “hey, we have a food allergy” he literally laid it out that he wanted extravagant meals (by posting 30+ meal recipes) and told people if they didn’t want to be bothered, he’d leave a white cooler outside the house for meals to be dropped off in.
And then even said people could do chores from them and that would nourish as much…This guy then tops it all off be telling us we can sign up for a day to text, and if they decide they would rather not see people, WE CAN COOK THEM A MEAL AND LEAVE IT FOR THEM IN A COOLER HIS WILL PROVIDE IN THE YARD BECAUSE HE COULDN’T BE BOTHERED ANSWERING THE DOOR pic.twitter.com/FXtNRgVa8Z
— JJ (@JJFromTheBronx) April 18, 2019
Um, what?
Look, I just had a baby a few months ago and we had offers for help. Most of the time I would politely decline but when we did have friends and family bringing us meals, I never once asked for something specific or told them to leave it in a white cooler outside.
I did communicate and tell them what day/time would be best to stop by in case the baby or I were sleeping. But, I always welcomed people into my home to visit.
Most importantly, I NEVER expected someone to bring me food or do my house chores just because I had a baby and I also had surgery (had my tubes tied) right after my daughter was born.
Personally, I think it’s a nice gesture for someone to offer to bring meals or ask if new parents need help but it should never be expected especially from strangers (from being posted on the internet) or even neighbors.
This is something we do automatically in our church. When someone is having a baby, surgery or is sick, we set up a meal train as well as help with household chores. No one becomes angry when asked to participate. I’m the one who coordinates it at this time in my congregation, and there’s someone in each congregation throughout the world tasked with this calling with in our church, which is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
That is wonderful, Lynn!
This strikes such a chord with me, having been on the receiving end of this several times. We were stationed overseas with the military (where most new mothers don’t have much family support), so it was very common for groups to start meal trains for women they barely knew, and to be asked to provide meals for women I’d never met. It was a never ending “who needs a meal NOW?”
Because the meal providers were coerced, and the giver/receiver weren’t neighbors or even friends, it created more hard feelings than good will. I literally got stuck providing a new meal to a mother when my own newborn was only 10 days. old. I had to drive 40 minutes to get it to her, she insisted it be delivered hot, ready to eat between 5:00 and 5:30 (when I’m usually preparing dinner for my own family) and had a laundry list of food preferences. (Nothing with hamburger, no more lasagnas!, etc.) She even had the audacity to tell me her family hadn’t liked the meal.
The truth is that grocery stores today have enough prepared meals that one would never have to cook again, if one didn’t want. New fathers can pick up a roasted chicken, or a tray of sushi, or anything, and meal trains could go back to what they should be: voluntary.
Hi, Catherine! I’m so sorry that happened! 🙁