The $17.99 cake give or take $48.99

Holly’s middle son, Reid is turning six this week. Happy birthday Reid! Because Reid’s mother is not the actual June Cleaver, Holly needed to purchase cakes. She needed two – one for a family party on Sunday and one for a kid party on Wednesday. Load up the minivan! Holly is going to Target…

Because Holly has been to Target a few times, she knows right where the bakery is located.

Holly let’s Reid pick out the cakes he wants from the handy-dandy three ring binder display in front of the bakery security glass. Reid wants the Dinosaur Attack cake. Reid wants the Indiana Jones cake with the super cool boulder.

In a bit of foreshadowing, Holly wonders why Target bakery employees need the security of glass to separate them from their customers. Holly notices that the Target bakery employees don’t seem to be very interested in the cake ordering process. Holly notices that her three boys don’t seem very interested in the cake ordering process. Holly notices that the Target bakery employees are hiding behind the security glass. Holly notices that her three boys are hiding at multiple locations throughout the Target Super Center.

Holly finally gets the attention of the correct Target bakery employee to order her cakes. She requests a Dinosaur Attack cake in a 1/4 sheet to feed 12 people. The Target bakery employees are HORRIFIED that she would request such a thing. The Target bakery employees inform Holly under no uncertain circumstances are Dinosaur Attack cakes sold in that size or for a reasonable price. Dinosaur Attack cakes are only available in ONE size (no exceptions) and for the price of $39.99 (no exceptions). Holly loves over-paying and having left-overs so she readily agrees. She then orders the Indiana Jones cake with the super cool boulder which doesn’t seem to be under the same size and price restrictions. Holly then has to pick out the cake flavor, the cake frosting, the cake lettering, the cake blah, blah, blah… Holly lost track of all the cake decisions. Holly lost track of time. Holly lost track of three boys. Just when Holly was about to leave and look for her children, the Target bakery employee mentioned that they should check and see if they had the Dinosaur Attack and Indiana Jones with the super cool boulder cake kits. “Target can not accept the order of a cake without the cake kit IN HAND.” The Target bakery employee returned with bad news. No Dinosaur Attack. No Indiana Jones with the super cool boulder. Holly has just invested the last 26 minutes of her life into these cakes. Holly has just promised to pay an outlandish sum of money for these cakes. Holly is taking home these cakes. Holly politely requests that the Target bakery employee call another Target bakery. It appears that all the Targets within a 30 mile radius are out of the cake kits that Reid has requested. Holly is a little confused. If these cakes are so popular, why not order a few extra kits? The Target bakery employee informs Holly that they are only allowed to order three kits per cake style every 11 days. Holly does some quick calculations in her head… Holly was about to solve the Target cake kit shortage when she glanced at the time. Crap! Holly has been in the Target bakery for 42 minutes and only has 18 minutes to do all the rest of her shopping and check out. Holly is 0-2 in the cake department. Just then Holly notices a flash of activity in front of her. Just then Holly recognizes the flash as one of her three missing children. First the flash, then the BANG. Oh! and another BANG. And that was followed by a waterfall-type effect… One of Holly’s bored children released the three rings in both binders which caused EVERY SINGLE CAKE DISPLAY PAGE to fall to the ground. Holly tries to remain calm in Target’s bakery. Against all odds. When the Target bakery employee suggested that Holly should purchase the cakes as ordered (except of course there are no kits) and go buy toys from the toy section to place on the cake, Holly realized why there was security glass between her and the employee. Holly also realized that she has wasted another 5 minutes cleaning up the three ring binder mess and that she better hurry if anyone was getting cake, toys to go on the cake, or dinner. Holly went to the toy aisle for dinosaurs and Indiana Jones action figures. Holly soon found that a package of dinosaurs cost $19.99 and that the Indiana Jones action figures have been discontinued. Holly did more math in her head:   $39.99 cake + $19.99 dinosaurs = Holly not having to go out and try to find something cheaper later. Holly also mentally evaluated the Indiana Jones cake with the super cool boulder. Holly agreed to ANY toy that Reid suggested (Star Wars) because theoretically it couldn’t be called an Indiana Jones cake if there wasn’t actually anything Indiana Jones about it. So Holly went home with some expensive dinosaurs and the promise of a Star Wars cake with a super cool boulder. When Holly returned to Target’s bakery for the first cake she was delighted to notice that the price on the cake was not what she expected. Holly was super proud of herself for not having a mental breakdown in the middle of Target’s bakery. She quietly mentioned that the price of $46.99 was higher than the promised $39.99 and that her cake DIDN’T EVEN COME WITH A KIT. A different Target bakery employee realized the beginning of Target bakery rage and quietly reduced the price. Holly went home with her super expensive cake. And then added the super expensive dinosaurs. And then admitted it was a super great cake – so great that it’s volcanic lava defied gravity. One cake down and only one to go…