I remember asking my friend, four years ago, should I have another baby? Her answer was amazing and it changed the way that I thought about growing a family.
I was at a local moms group when I was talking to her about it. Just the two of us, sitting alone at a table. I remember how cold it was that day when we were talking, as I sat in my chunky sweater with my hands wrapped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. She knew the story of how my husband and I had already had three children and we had just lost our baby. I was scared to try again, but I knew that I wanted four children. I felt like this last baby was the piece of the puzzle that I was missing. I was scared of losing another one and I was scared of what a fourth child meant. Less time for the other kids? More sleepless nights? Could we handle it?
Her answer was just what I needed to hear. It was wise and it was from a mother’s heart…
“You will never regret having a baby. Do you ever look at your children and think ‘I should have stopped after the first?’ No. You may, however, look back in three years, once the time has passed, and say ‘I wish that we had another baby.’
Her words stayed with me for years. It was the best advice that I had heard and when our 4th child was born, we were overjoyed and she was just what we had been missing.
If you aren’t sure about how many is right for your family, today we are offering you some tips to help you make your decision. It is not ours to make, but I hope that these tips make it a bit easier for you to decide.
Should I have another baby?
- Write down your fears. What are you scared of? Which part of parenting do you not think that you can “handle”? Is it something thats just a fear? Something that can be fixed? Will it diminish in time? ~April Sherlock
- I have never heard a parent ever say they regretted bringing a child into the world. Yes it is hard work, but the joy and love they give to you is well worth it. Also with each additional child you learn and become better and more confident as a parent.
- My only advice would be to space them out a bit, so that you dont have too many small children at the same time and the eldest can be some help to you with the baby. ~Courtney Diggs
- “I’ve heard that the jump from one child to two is hard, but the more you add, the easier it is.”~April S.
- If you have real doubts, wait. ~Emily Dodge
- Don’t move forward with doubts. In the end I decided if I wasn’t 100% certain I wanted another child then I shouldn’t bring another child into the world. My only child is 9 years old now and I don’t regret not having another one at all. ~Ellie Connor
- Can you and your spouse physically and emotionally handle raising another child?
- You are a wife and mother BUT your roles don’t end there. You have to emotionally/spiritually take care of yourself at the end of the day even if it’s just 10 mins. Will you have time for you?~Eleanor Grace
- Is your family financially comfortable in adding another family member?
- Do you feel complete or is something missing?
- Do you both agree? If one isn’t on board, wait. It isn’t fair to the child. Be sure that both of you are on board.
- Consider your age. Would it be dangerous for you or for your baby?
- Be prepared for your middle or older child to change a bit. If you are prepared for this, it will help and you can help him to overcome any feelings of resentment. ~Valerie Maholmes
- Children may act out, so you need to be OK with knowing this before you have your baby. “A 1- to 2-year-old may not be able to articulate his feelings or even understand why he’s confused and angry”
- Many say that the ideal number of kids is two, according to Gallup Polls.
What was your first reaction when you read that? Did you agree? Or did you think it should be more or less? Use that feeling to guide you.
- Your child will always have friends, if you have another sibling.
- Your life will be busier.
- Picture yourself in fifty years – what does it look like? How many grown children do you have?
- Que Sara Sara… whatever will be, will be. Sometimes you build your family by choice, and sometimes by chance. Embrace your feelings.
The bottom line is whether you have one child or four, it is simply different. One is not better than the other. We need to realize that both are wonderful and different answers will work for different families. You can find more answers right here on our Facebook page.