It appears that my three boys are extremely
important.
So
important that they can’t be bothered to stop their
important work for something non-
important…like going to the restroom.
They
play chicken with their bladders to a point that it makes me have empathetic contractions.
It starts out slowly with a subtle
groin hold.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And progresses to a
full body stretch on tip toe to allow more room.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And finally comes the
dancing which escalates into a disco beat.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
Of course not.
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
Once the disco beat pattern is identified it takes approximately 8.5 seconds for the following to happen…
- All movement stops suddenly.
- Eyebrows raise and shoulders are pressed back.
- Entire body pivots toward closest bathroom.
- Full speed run toward closest bathroom ensues.
- Tunnel vision occurs.
- Belt/button undoing may commence.
And what happens when the
bathroom door is closed due to prior occupation?
- The dasher screeches to a halt.
- Stares at the door in disbelief.
- Pauses.
- Horrified look crosses face.
- Full brain shut-down occurs.
- No ability to problem solve is present.
And that is why I am needed.
Every day this happens and
in this moment I am the most
important person in the world. The
smartest mom ever to have walked the earth. The
wisest sage in the land.
I am
Toilet Yoda…
Why don’t you use the other bathroom?
Help you I can, yes…
They play chicken with their bladders to a point that it makes me have empathetic contractions.
It starts out slowly with a subtle groin hold.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And progresses to a full body stretch on tip toe to allow more room.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And finally comes the dancing which escalates into a disco beat.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
Of course not.
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
Once the disco beat pattern is identified it takes approximately 8.5 seconds for the following to happen…
I can’t talk, I’ve been holding it too long lately myself. It just sucks when you ALWAYS have to go. Sounds like I need you here…
Could the Toilet Yoda come to my house? Forget the kids…*I* need the yoda. It starts at my computer and ends with me wishing I’d listened to the ever nagging kegel advice when I was pregnant.
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My seven year old is guilty of this…especially if there is a video game involved!
Bwahahah! That last line killed me. We do much of that dance here, but it usually ends with a panicky, bow-legged cowboy impersonation, and a three-year-old’s wail of disbelief, “Mama! I’m peeing!?!?!”
We’ve had that dance over here too.
we are familiar with the potty dance.
My son does not do this. Not the 3-1/2 year old. Nope. My 36-year old husband on the other hand STILL does this. I’m trying to convince him that he is going to make himself incontinent one day.
So funny that in this moment, I am doing the same disco dance they must have learned.
*Get to end of post
*Leave comment fast
*PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE run
Great post Holly.
My boy just drops trow outside – maybe that is why all the grass is dead off our back porch…