I need to tell my story. I come to you because others have. They reported back that venting may not have changed HER ways, but was therapeutic.
I will start with a little about myself. I am a DaysAgo Timer. I attach by magnet or suction cup to various items and keep track of how many days ago you opened it, watered it, packaged it, etc. I am super handy. I am super cute. I am ingenious.
I was featured on Oprah and in Real Simple magazine the same week. That is where Holly saw me. That is where my troubles began. She zipped onto my website, ordered me and 10 of my closest friends and 3 days later we were hers. She distributed my friends as gifts and kept me.
She seemed nice enough. She was perky. She enthusiastically embraced me and my mission. She popped me onto a can and put me in the fridge.
47 days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.
64 days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.
83 days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.
Then I didn’t hear from her. At. All. Hello? Hello? Hello? Is Holly out there? It’s cold and dark (just when the door is closed–the light REALLY does go off) in here. It has been so long.
The light goes on. The light goes off. The light goes on.
She notices me. She picks me up. She takes me out of the fridge. She stares at me:
Yes, I am stuck on “99”. It has been so long that I have lost track of time. I know I am a timer. I get that. I was only programmed for 2 digits people. I was totally unprepared to live this nightmare.So an indescribable number of days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.
Are you kidding me? My life is ground hog day.
Chillingly yours,
Holly’s DaysAgo timer
P.S. Did I just hear Holly announce to the boys that they were having pizza buns for lunch? She must be stopped.
You are hilarious! I must add you to my blog roll!