the legend of bitter holly (part I)

The Legend of Bitter Holly originally aired here on the Nirvana in April of 2008.   I don’t want to overly foreshadow, but it is the root of why I give a periodic fruit bowl update…

Our legend begins in a sunny suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence.

Holly who is naturally perky enters her kitchen and turns on the lights.

Hmmmm…something doesn’t look right to Holly.

Her fruit bowl is sitting in partial darkness.


Hey that isn’t right thinks Holly.

She starts to formulate a plan of action.


Good thinking Holly!

She places a call to the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.


Holly is very thorough.

She wants the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness to understand exactly what he needs to fix.

Holly has a bit of experience with people who come to fix things and don’t have the proper part.

The electrical company then gives Holly a service window for their impending repair of the right under-cabinet light.


Oh goody! Holly loves it when a company gives her a service window. The bigger the better!

*Two weeks later*
Holly has her to do list ready.


Uh-oh. Holly notices that the to do list is comprised of things that need to be done OUTSIDE of the home. She is not sure what time she can leave the home because she is expecting the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness. Holly will just wait at home for the electrician and then do her errands after he leaves.

Uh-oh. Holly waited for 12 hours. Holly did not leave the house. Holly did not complete any of her to do list. Holly did not see any electrician, let alone an electrician that works for the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

Holly decides she might need to call the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness to re-schedule since it appears that today’s 12 hour window wasn’t large enough for him to visit her.


Holly is very thorough. She wants the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness to understand exactly what he needs to fix. Holly has a bit of experience with people who come to fix things and don’t have the proper part.

The electrical company then gives Holly a service window for their impending repair of the right under-cabinet light.


Oh goody! Holly loves it when a company gives her a service window for the second time. The bigger the better!

*Two weeks later*
Yep, you guessed it. The electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing Holly’s fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness did not show up.

Holly is pretty mad.

Holly is so fretful she can’t discuss it further.

Holly made this handy dandy reference chart for your review:


Holly looks at the handy dandy reference chart for your review and realizes that she is bitter.

Holly is so very, very bitter that she can’t even face calling the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness. Bitter Holly decides that instead of facing this problem, she will utilize one of her favorite defense-mechanisms.

Bitter Holly’s favorite defense-mechanism is to ignore it and hope it will go away.

Bitter Holly tries to continue her life even though her fruit bowl is sitting in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly gets out of bed each morning despite her fruit bowl sitting in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly goes through the motions of daily life despite her fruit bowl sitting in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly goes to bed each night despite her fruit bowl sitting in partial darkness (well, really at night it is in total darkness, but the pain is just the same).

As the days pass it seems easier to adjust to the fruit bowl situation.

In fact, one day Bitter Holly is invited to an important meeting at her child’s school. At this important meeting Bitter Holly will see other adults. At this important meeting Bitter Holly will sit with other adults. At this important meeting Bitter Holly will talk with other adults.

Sign Bitter Holly up!


At this important meeting with other adults, Bitter Holly tries to act responsible, smart and capable.

She tries to think before she speaks.

She is glad she wore the skirt today.

She is even keeping her bitterness in check.

She is feeling very blended-in when:


RING!

RING!

RING!

Bitter Holly pities the poor person who forgot to turn off their cell phone.

Crap.

That would be Bitter Holly.

Bitter Holly scrambles for the phone causing purse contents to scatter.

Bitter Holly is drawing a lot of unwanted attention to herself.

At this very moment, Bitter Holly doesn’t look very responsible, smart or capable.

That just adds to the bitterness that Bitter Holly is no longer keeping in check.

Bitter Holly locates the phone and flings herself into the adjoining hall.


Bitter Holly is sure that anyone calling to interrupt her important meeting with other adults must be bleeding or in peril.

She answers the emergency call.

The emergency call is from the electrical company that installed her right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

The electrician is at Bitter Holly’s home right now.

To be continued…
Will Bitter Holly throw her fancy phone across the hall adjoining the meeting with other adults?
Is the fruit bowl destined to sit in partial darkness?
How long can Holly stretch this story out?
Tune into the Nirvana tomorrow to find out.

{Part II is here}

55 Comments

  1. I feel your pain, I live with a husband who can do electrical work , and i still have plugs that do not work and never have. We have been in our house for about 14years. Yes I have been waiting that long. I am trying not to be bitter about it.

  2. Karen MEG says:

    OMG, that was priceless!!!! Thanks for stopping by my WW; your illustrations and storytelling are hilarious. I will stay tuned.

    Scary how much like you I am… not the talent in drawing etc, but the charts and dealing with *handy*men. Grrrrr!!!

    My fruit bowl sits in partial darkness too, but mostly because I forget to gurn the light on!

  3. You are cracking me up. I can’t believe the electrician says he is coming and then doesn’t show up! What was his excuse the first time? Can’t wait to hear more 🙂

  4. You and your markers make quite a story-telling little pair!

    And, I don’t know how the story ends, but I pity that poor electrician! 🙂

  5. InTheFastLane says:

    That is soooo typical of anyone that has to come to the house to do work. I do not understand this customer service tactic.

  6. Arghhh that is so annoying!

  7. Ugh…I HATE it when repair guys do that!! I foresee a smashed cell phone in the future…but then again, it’s bitter holly in the story, not bitter sadie *lol* Looking forward to more animated adventures!

  8. anglophilefootballfanatic says:

    Go Bitter Holly! I’m your cheerleader. I just LOVE those windows….cause we SAHMs have nothing better to do than sit and eat bon bons and do our nails, right? I’m going to have that same fun today with the Orkin guy – AGAIN. Stupid ants just won’t go away.

  9. do not throw that iPhone. DO. NO. THROW. IT.

  10. Sleeping with Ward Cleaver says:

    You have an iPhone? Me too! Don’t you love it?
    Oh, I’m hoping you use your super cute boots on that rude electrician…

  11. Burgh Baby's Mom says:

    Bitter Holly could have spent those twelve hours online learning to be an electrician so that she could fix the light that was causing her fruit to be in partial darkness all by herself. Stupid electrician should have confessed to begin with so that Bitter Holly could have gotten her enrollment in on time.

  12. Jenn @ Juggling Life says:

    Bitter Holly needs to take the assertiveness with tradespeople class that Jenn’s friends keep saying she should give. This does not happen to Jenn as Jenn turns into a very scary(but calm) person when confronted with this type of bad customer service. Jenn got the cable company to cry uncle and send someone out on a Friday night.

    Still, he did provide you with blogging gold–and that is something!

  13. What a pretty skirt 🙂
    I cannot stand dealing with those electricians! On the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next…

  14. On a limb with Claudia says:

    I love love love this! 🙂

    Of course, we have an electrician called (formally) “Jerry the chain smoking electrician”. He’s depressed but likes me – he called me the “foul mouthed therapist”. Conversation is like: “Oh Ok, I’ll come over next week but don’t swear OK.” 😉 He does GREAT work – is on time – and very nice person.

    Shall we look for a reference for you? Jerry belongs to the fraternity of Catholic recovering alcoholic electricians. He usually knows someone good….. Shoot me an email.

    Love the drawing and the slide show – you guys are gorgeous.

  15. Christine @ Serenity How? says:

    I sense a bitter beat down on the horizon…

  16. Jennifer H says:

    I hope Bitter Holly doesn’t end up in jail in Part 2. Still, I’ll keep some ready cash for bail money.

  17. You should definitely write, or at least illustrate a children’s book. And why must you leave us hanging like that?

  18. Domestic Accident says:

    I have felt your pain with the dishwasher repair man who ultimately said my washer sucked and to just get used to stuckon food on my cups.

    I hope next week’s installment includes some cuss words. Or isn’t a segway into Bloody Holly.

  19. Donna Rosenbloom says:

    Holly, you really know how to tell a story and get me to laugh! I love your blogspot. It brightens my day!

  20. I would be more than bitter…I would be livid! Can’t wait to read the next installment and you have the nicest handwriting!

  21. Jungles Wife says:

    I feel for you – been there, done that. BTW, did you know your skirt is see-through? Not that there is anything wrong with that – just sayin’

  22. I hope Bitter Holly tried to put in a new light bulb before calling the electrician.

  23. Also…fake light is probably bad for fruit anyway. 🙂 Also…eating it is bad for the fruit. Why is there not more outcry?

  24. A Mom Two Boys says:

    So…Heather beat me to it…did you try to change the light bulb? DJ LOVES it when people call him because their furnace isn’t working and he goes out there and their thermostat needs batteries. That’ll be $95.00 bucks please…$90 for my time and $5 for the batteries. We go out for margarita’s on those nights. :0)

    Also, I know Texas is BIG on doing things BIG, but people in TX don’t go around using Super Long titles for stuff do they? Although it works GREAT when telling a blog story.

  25. But, your bitterness is so rich and full of color. And humor. You BETCHA I’ll be tuning in to see what happens to Bitter Holly.

  26. Oh my.
    I will definitely tune in later to find out since stupid TWC finally pulled their heads out of their nether regions to realize they are the reason that my internet wasn’t working because they are not, I repeat, not qualified to McGyver things. Ugh.
    Poor Bitter Holly’s Fruit Bowl.

  27. what a great way to tell your story!!!!!! i am lol not at you but with you because i have sooooo been there but you are much better at telling all about it!

    oh and i stopped by from Elaine’s blog after reading about yall’s fun outing. so nice to ‘meet’ you!

  28. Christine says:

    Looking forward to hearing how this one is resolved…

    I’m pretty bitter, too…I walk around muttering a lot.

  29. I kept waiting for you to say that all he had to do after weeks of waiting was change the light bulb. LoL.

  30. EatPlayLove says:

    I’m right there with MOM 2 BOYS, my instinct is bulb. Sorry your fruit is in darkness! I hate dealing with service companies.

  31. David Rochester says:

    People have repeatedly paid me the dubious compliment of saying that my blog writing “makes completely mundane events seem dramatic or interesting.”

    I now pass this dubious compliment on to you.

    I am all agog to know what will happen next. I am particularly fond of the R. Crumb-esque “notes” in your cartoons, pointing out things that the inattentive observer might otherwise be inclined to miss.

  32. the planet of janet says:

    this is why i sleep with my handyman.

  33. I totally get this one and how! If they say they’ll be there between 8 and 5 it pretty much means they’ll be there at 6:30 p.m. or not at all. WTF! And my cell phone rings about once a year and usually during a wedding ceremony or while I’m serving 40-Love in the second set of a championship tennis tournament. It’s always a wrong number or my mother telling me she’s on the way to Home Depot and feeling a little bored.

  34. Tootsie Farklepants says:

    I. totally. understand.

  35. 365 Mommy says:

    You crack me up! Love it! Can’t wait until the next “episode”….

  36. I love how the names get longer as the story goes on.

    From, Angie -the-haven’t-read-a-blog-or-commented-in-a-few-days-blogger.

    KEEP BELIEVING

  37. You should decide how much your time is worth, and then send the electrician a bill for 24 hours of it.

  38. laughingatchaos says:

    With the craptastic week I seem to have been shoved into, Bitter Jen would have told the electrician where he could shove the cell phone currently lounging in his hand, how fast to do it, and with how much force. And Bitter Jen would do this at a volume that would cause the folks attending the meeting in the adjoining room to become either A)uncomfortable or B)wet with hysterical laughter. And then Bitter Jen would take her sorry butt home for a glass of red wine and some TiVo.

  39. fullheartandhands mama says:

    Too funny! You can turn anything into an entertaining story. I love it!

  40. EatPlayLove says:

    Not sure what you are doing with that electrician but I am eagerly awaiting part 2.

  41. Betsy Bird says:

    OMG, you and your illustrations are so funny!!! We have a little thingy on our remote control that’s designed to beep if you blow a whistle (we lose the remote a lot), and I laughed so much I just set the beeper off.

    By the way, I just tagged you for a meme. Check my 4/23 post. If it’s too dark to read, move away from the fruit bowl.

  42. Oh, I feel for you. BUT. But, your drawings rock!

  43. ROFL! I can’t stop giggling at the drawings. Way to leave a cliffhanger! So sorry to hear you wasted all the time waiting around. I hope the ending has the fruit bowl sitting under light 🙂

  44. SuburbanCorrespondent says:

    I think you are going to have to move the fruit bowl.

  45. MoscowMom says:

    Wow, you REALLY hit a nerve with this post! 44 comments thus far? Whoah! And yes, like the 44 people before me, I share your rage! It was AWFUL getting service of any kind in New York City… Can’t wait to read “Part 2”! You’re great at this 🙂 I did my own illustrations today, too, for the first time no the blog. I referenced your angels!

    Oh–I’ve had those “What idiot left her cell phone on?” moments, too! It’s the worst!

  46. Happy Campers says:

    Really dumb question that somebody else probably commented on, but since I’m trying to catch up on commenting your Blog now that I can comment again…I’ll just say it anyway.

    Was the bulb burned out? You can fix that yourself if that’s the case 🙂 hehehehehehehe

  47. Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy) says:

    Your stick people are so sophisticated with the clothes and all! And don’t even get me started on electricians. Mine is in jail right now. He apparently decided that he needed to commit acts of violence against his ex-wife’s boyfriend. Since we flip houses we use him for all projects, or should I say ‘used’ him. We can’t anymore since he’s in the pokey.

  48. Bitter Holly is awesome! Can’t wait for part 2. Even if it comes down to a lightbulb change.

    Nice artwork, love the shoes.

  49. I’m married to an electrician. I can say, drop me an outlet in this wall and I want right here and he does it. Eventually.

  50. Thanks for the entertainment! She’s my idol.

  51. We’ve got the same problem, so hubs put in a new light – voila! We blew out a fuse.

    I cursed the former owners. And moved the fruit bowl.

    (Very cool to know the rest of the story! So Paul Harvey of you.)

  52. can I just say – I LOVE your drawings? 🙂 they just made my day! also – that’s rotten that the electrician showed up when he did, after you spent 24 hours waiting for him 🙁 I feel like it ALWAYS works that way – that may be one of my biggest pet peeves ever!

  53. I started leaving notes on my front door for servicemen with my cell #, telling them to call me when they have arrived. I’ve had SEVERAL just not show up, or even better, show up early while I’m still not dressed. Grrrrrrrr…

  54. Grrrr, I hate service calls and the no shows. Even better was the time the exterminator was supposed to come between 8 and 12:30 and showed up at 7:40am, when I was half-way dressed. Oh, hai there meester bug man. How sexay I am.

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