It appears that my three boys are extremely
important.
So
important that they can’t be bothered to stop their
important work for something non-
important…like going to the restroom.
They
play chicken with their bladders to a point that it makes me have empathetic contractions.
It starts out slowly with a subtle
groin hold.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And progresses to a
full body stretch on tip toe to allow more room.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And finally comes the
dancing which escalates into a disco beat.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
Of course not.
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
Once the disco beat pattern is identified it takes approximately 8.5 seconds for the following to happen…
- All movement stops suddenly.
- Eyebrows raise and shoulders are pressed back.
- Entire body pivots toward closest bathroom.
- Full speed run toward closest bathroom ensues.
- Tunnel vision occurs.
- Belt/button undoing may commence.
And what happens when the
bathroom door is closed due to prior occupation?
- The dasher screeches to a halt.
- Stares at the door in disbelief.
- Pauses.
- Horrified look crosses face.
- Full brain shut-down occurs.
- No ability to problem solve is present.
And that is why I am needed.
Every day this happens and
in this moment I am the most
important person in the world. The
smartest mom ever to have walked the earth. The
wisest sage in the land.
I am
Toilet Yoda…
Why don’t you use the other bathroom?
Help you I can, yes…
They play chicken with their bladders to a point that it makes me have empathetic contractions.
It starts out slowly with a subtle groin hold.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And progresses to a full body stretch on tip toe to allow more room.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
And finally comes the dancing which escalates into a disco beat.
Do you need to pee?
NO!
Of course not.
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
*wait for it*
Once the disco beat pattern is identified it takes approximately 8.5 seconds for the following to happen…
That is exactly how ‘The Hussle’ was invented!
That is too funny.
I’m inclined, once the dancing starts and I’ve asked, “Do you have to go?” a couple of times, to say, “You. Bathroom. NOW!”
I’m mean like that 🙂
Also, I really hate to have to clean up puddles.
MM: Do you have to do peeps?
Child: No.
MM: Then please take your hands off your peep.
Lather, rinse, repeat…
Jill Jill beat me to it: We have the accompanying screech of “PEEPS!”
I do that exact same dance. I think the build up of ammonia is the reason we somewhat blackout. The high pitched noise that accompanies the run also helps with the toxicity level. Just FYI. May need to hire you after a long trip for direction. I see a whole new career for you…
Are you telling me potty is always going to be an issue? I am busting my butt to just get out of diapers…Finish line, that is?
I love the way you incorporate what's important throughout the post. Very well constructed.
Thank you for following, I am adding you to my "What the followers have to say" blogroll.
The Potty Dance will definitely outlive the Macarena.
Oh yes the potty dance. Know it all too well…
See..we mom’s ARE good for something!
We’re familiar with that dance.