I am a realistic girl. I have 3 boys. I believe I am more then blessed. Blog-Stedman and I are NOT going for #4 in attempt to “get a girl”. The only way I get a girl is to obtain a daughter-in-law. I now have the extremely important task of raising my boys well. So well, that well-rounded, intelligent, common-sense-laden girls will be attracted to them.
I have been brainwashing the boys that I will choose a wife for them. This way when I back down and just request veto power it will look reasonable. All in the master plan…mwah. ha. ha…
In my quest to raise quality girl bait, I am teaching the obvious manners. I have encountered some less obvious areas that I need to work on here at the house with the boys. These are things that may be age appropriate now, but would be serious red flags to any girl worth her salt.
Here is my list of things that might be OK at 2-4 years old, but definitely NOT even remotely OK at 24 years old:
1. Binkys, sippy cups, and only eating on plastic plates.
2. Sleeping in a crib.
3. Running down to mommy and daddy’s bed in the middle of the night and climbing in.
4. Sitting on mommy’s lap while she pees.
5. Hanging out with mommy while she is in the shower.
6. Screaming “wipe me!” after pooping on the potty.
7. Enjoying a good “potty dance” as performed by mommy.
8. Peek-a-boo games with everyone.
9. Requesting food be cut into small pieces.
10. Bathing in a small tub with 2 other brothers.
11. Sneaking to eat toothpaste from the tube.
12. Calling McDonald’s “Old McDonalds”.
13. Eating “regular food” only to qualify for dessert status.
14. Wearing a blue power ranger suit 24/7.
15. Wearing Transformer underwear.
16. Wearing footed PJs.
17. Tricycle is only means of independent transportation.
18. Believing the finest food is served at Chuck E. Cheese.
19. Throwing tantrums on a whim.
20. Still living with mommy and daddy.
CRAP. I didn’t account for the obvious red flag of future mother-in-law with a detailed trapping plan…
As the mom of 3 boys myself, I am going to have this list made into a plaque to hang in my kitchen! I love it 😉
I fail #19. There go my plans for robbing the cradle.
Definently not the screaming WIPE POOPIES! I hope that is something they grow out of by the time they are 24 ha ha 🙂
I’d add to that list that she shouldn’t do a potty dance of her own either!
Sigh…arranged marriages are starting to look really attractive these days. 🙂
#15 might be considered acceptable during that spicing up the marriage faze.
Actually, I think a 24 y/o who still calls it Old McDonald’s would be kind of cute. On the other hand, my husband calls it “Macky Donald’s,” and I want to slap him every time he says it.
Since my two boys are in 8th and 11th grade, I don’t have a lot of time left to turn them into girl bait, and I’m beginning to succumb to despair over the older one’s table manners. As my husband tells him, “This isn’t prison. You don’t have to hunch protectively over your plate. No one here is going to steal it.” So far, no luck. The rest of us must look really hungry.
Just hand your future daughters-in-law a list at the wedding and say, “Here, these are the things I took care of for you, so you wouldn’t have to.” She’ll be grateful.
Maybe.
I think it’s the transformer underwear. Although who knows? In twenty years, it could be very retro… I wonder if there’s a transformer thong….
Off to google! 😉
Hey I added you to my blogroll
Is that bad that Hubby and I love Chuck E Cheese pizza?
I’m raising 2 ladies in waiting so here’s hoping I can work out some similar issues with them as well!
damn, I should have thought of this…my sons are now 18 and 21…ooops, a little too late.
(found you through Neil citizen of the month…you’re very funny!)