A holiday, a holster and a six-pack?

Father's Day is quickly approaching and as a result I ™m having some serious agita. After all, this is my husband's first Father's Day as a dad and it has to be special. That and he pretty much blew it out of the park for my first Mother's Day with an engraved birthstone necklace that had me bursting into tears upon opening. I began my search for the perfect gift just days after Mother's Day. (I mean, who are we kidding here, I had to know what I was up against before I could find the perfect gift).  I headed right over to gifts.com and looked for their Top Gift's page because clearly, they are the authority on gifts. Or so I thought.

1. Personalized Poem Gifts For Dad “ Madison is 8 months old and while I like to consider her advanced, I ™m pretty sure she isn't capable of putting her love for him into poetry and while most of them are very sweet ¦ poetry just isn't our style in this household.
2. Picture Frames “ My husband works out in the field and not in an office.
3. Golf Paraphernalia “ My husband doesn't like golf.
4. Coffee Mugs “ The dude doesn't even like the SMELL of coffee
5. Customized Items from his Favorite Sports Teams– Fantastic in theory but the man is seriously superstitious. My parents bought him a flag to put out front for his favorite team. The day he hung it up they lost and he hasn't hung it up since. So when purchasing something from this category I run the risk of it being worn once and then being burned in effigy.

I quickly realized that I probably belonged in the different categories. Obviously the gifts.com people needed more information about my husband before they could properly suggest a gift. Here are their types of Dad –                   The Gadget Dad –                   Outdoorsman Dad –                   Well-Dressed Dad –                   Golfing Dad –                   Proud Dad For the most part I have no problems with their categories of dad, except for the whole part where Proud Dad is in a category all to itself. I had no idea Proud Dad was mutually exclusive from Well-Dressed Dad, but clearly I have thing or two to learn about types of dads and gifts. After hopelessly clicking on most of the categories I began to think that I was never going to find the Perfect Gift and that I should just tell him I was going to go one whole day without nagging him or making him change a poopy diaper, because those two things occurring on the same day would surely make me the coolest wife ever, when I found this gem: The Camo Six-Pack Beer Holster Belt The description reads Certified to bring on the good times and guaranteed to captivate the ladies, these beer belts eliminate any need for washboard abs (thank goodness!), since you’ll already have a six pack …of delicious brews at your fingertips. Thank you, gifts.com, for teaching me that I had it all wrong. I can't wait for the next holiday so I can get him the BBQ Spatula Sword, sure to make the steaks sizzle and the ladies swoon. P.S. This post is totally in jest. I am, in no way, criticizing the lovely gift giving experts over at www.gifts.com. They actually have some lovely suggestions for Father's Day. P.P.S. I still haven't gotten Clint anything for Father's Day. Suggestions please?