Who does more? This was the subject title in the e-mail that we received a few weeks ago. The email went on to say, “My husband and I are CONSTANTLY fighting about who does more. He works 50 hours a week. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 girls – ages 5, 4 and 2 months. Any tips on getting through this stage?”
So, we asked on our Facebook Page. We love to find the answers from the real experts… moms who have been there, done that.
Who Does More? How do you handle the “I did more” argument?
- Thank each other. Start thanking him every day for the work that he does. Even when it kills you to do it, give constant thanks and you will notice changes. He will start doing the same.
- Sit down and agree to let go of the “who does more.” Instead acknowledge that you both do a lot.
- With all of the extra chores around the house, sit down and decide who does what. It may seem silly, but having everything laid out can be helpful so expectations are not unsaid.
- Sometimes, if a spouse is not willing to back off, the other person can be willing to be the first one to make the change. When the topic comes up, move away from it and slowly work towards overcoming it.
- Decide to talk it out. Take turns talking, without yelling and explain how this argument hurts you.
- Make a pact to support each other and not compare. Write it down & hang it up on the refrigerator.
- Is there something deeper going on? Ask yourself when the argument usually starts and if there is a trend.
- Be determined to only speak good to each other. Cheer each other on in the different roles!
- Ask each other every morning what is one thing you can do to show support to each other? Try this for 7 days.
- You all are in the trenches of parenting and are exhausted. Take time to laugh together and connect over the silly moments of the day and suddenly you won’t be worried about who does more.
- For the next week, text your spouse every morning and wish him a great day. Then half way through the day, text him and say you were thinking of him and love him. See if it makes some changes.
The truth is, we both do “more”, we just do it in our own way. Without one person working and bringing home a paycheck, we couldn’t eat, have a house, have clothes…. Without one person holding down the fort, cleaning the house, making the meals, our family would be in disarray. Who did more? Both of you. That’s the truth.
Find out more tips on our Facebook page and let us know your thoughts.