The straight poop

One of many things that was not obvious to me before I became a mother was the amount of time I would spend each day in poop-related activities.   And yes, I am referring to the poop of others, not my own. Of course I expected the diaper phase to be poop-laden, but even during that phase I didn’t expect to be interested in the details of said poop. And then I expected that the potty training phase would be exhausting, but even during that phase I didn’t expect to be eating, drinking and sleeping thinking about a 3 year old’s poop. So now that we are out of diapers and past potty training then I am free... right? Ya, that would be a definite NO. Crap. First there are toilet issues… What to Expect when You are Expecting never mentioned that I would need complete knowledge of the inner workings of a toilet.   I have had to repair flushing mechanisms, replace those flappy things and adjust the tension on the chain. Dr. Spock didn’t cover that I would need advanced plunging skills (twice today).   He also neglected to mention that little boys are experts at over estimate their toilet paper needs hence their mothers will need to buy plungers at Costco. Your Baby and Child skipped over the fact that the ability to wipe oneself accurately might not kick in until well into the seventh year of life. And even Bringing Up Boys didn’t address the issue of what a mommy does about boys in public restrooms.   Here is where I admit that I don’t have it as bad as I assume stay-at-home dads have it bringing up girls…but I have questions and complaints just the same… What do you do when your son is too old for the public WOMEN’S RESTROOM? My first impulse is to do require them to accompany me into the WOMEN’S RESTROOM until they leave for college… Crap. Double crap. You see, the MEN’S RESTROOM is a mystery to me. I have no problem keeping it that way. *shudder* So here is the deal.   I feel pretty confident about standing outside the MEN’S RESTROOM (preferably ones without doors so I can hear what is going on) when my 5 and 8 year old go inside (preferably together). I have even been known to grab a clean-cut-dad-type to send in after an unusually quiet 2 minute wait. BUT today was the first time I allowed my 3 year old in with his brothers.   We were at a community pool.   All the boys had to pee.   I tried to talk them into accompanying me into the WOMEN’S facilities, but realized that girls their age could be changing and that might not be appropriate.   So they went into the MEN’S restroom and Rhett(3) tagged along.   He is pretty independent, but occasionally requires re-dressing assistance. In they went. *waiting* Reid(5) pops out and says something to the effect that he can’t find a toilet and asks if he can pee into one of those things hanging on the wall. I responded with a cringe and a nod. *waiting* I can see that Ryan is washing his hands. *waiting* Reid is now washing his hands. *waiting* Rhett walks out with his swimming suit around his ankles saying, “that bathroom WEIRD, I want to go to the GIRLS one”. And so the mystery continues…