This is where Holly’s Animated Life began. The very first episode which was necessary because my camera was non-functional at Ikea. How can you shop at Ikea without a camera?
Please enjoy this digitally re-mastered rerun that originally aired April 1, 2008. You will be relieved to know that the road from hell is now a tollway.
*fade to black*
***Yesterday I went with a friend and our mere collective 4 children to IKEA. We usually have 6 between us ages 7 and under so we were feeling free and breezy. I always take my camera everywhere (you haven’t noticed?) so imagine my disgust when I pulled it out of my purse only to find the memory stick was still in my computer at home. Because our adventure was so great and my ability to describe events without pictures is so small, I give you the animated version…***
My closest IKEA is located at the intersection of the daisy-strewn tollway and the road from hell soon to be a tollway. I took the road from hell soon to be a tollway because I am stupid. After much traffic on the road from hell soon to be a tollway, we finally arrived at the big blue happy box, IKEA.
The big blue happy box, IKEA opens at 10. BUT the big blue happy box, IKEA serves breakfast to hungry travelers starting at 9:30.
Unload the minivan…time for snacks!
The big blue happy box, IKEA serves a full breakfast and many snacks. The big blue happy box, IKEA serves all this and a bag of chips for mere peanuts.
Mmmmm. After a good breakfast we felt like shiny, happy people shopping at the big blue happy box, IKEA.
Let’s get a cart!
Oh, the carts at the big blue happy box, IKEA have special, magical shopping cart powers.
They may be pushed in ANY direction.
ANY direction except forward.
After about 10 feet…
Wow. *What the?*
Cool. *Who designed these?*
Super neat. *If any IKEA design team personnel steps in my way, I am going to push them over with my cart. They probably have encountered this before and will step directly in front of the cart rendering me helpless. They are so evil and crafty.*
Let’s tour the big blue happy box, IKEA while pushing our magical carts in a sideways direction.
The big blue happy box, IKEA designers have made the store into a giant maze.
Over the loud speaker IKEA plays big blue happy box music and announces that “the average IKEA customer spends 3 hours in the store” I think that the average IKEA customer is insane and not chasing a collective 4 children.
Let’s run sideways fast so we can get to the place I need to go…
I found things I need. I will just pop them into my magical sideways cart.
Here is what will fit into the magical sideways cart:
circled in purple: things that I fit into my cart pushing really hard
crossed out in purple: things that kept falling out of my cart
circled in green: things I put in my friend’s cart
circled in orange: things I couldn’t fit in either cart and carried
crossed out in orange: things I couldn’t fit in either cart and carried and dropped repeatedly
*angel choir sings*
Look at this:
It is an amazing light fixture that looks like a clear bucket. You can fill the bucket up with ANYTHING (except water…they say specifically no water). You can fill the bucket up with things that coordinate with your room. See how nice it looks in my pretend room?
I just love the big blue happy box, IKEA.
Let’s go check out!
If I can get these magical sideways carts to line up in the narrow aisles…I can go home and stare at my new bucket light.
Push. Push. Push.
Now the challenge of unloading my 362 large boxes onto a check-out conveyor belt 1/6 the boxes’ size.
I pushed the magical sideways carts to the minivan, loaded the car and we were off.
Bye. Bye. Big blue happy box, IKEA.
We were out of there in less then 2 hours because we are WAY below the average IKEA customer…