and then i screamed like a little girl

It was a quiet evening at home.   The boys were all tucked into their beds…well, by this time they were most likely congregated in one bed. Blog-Stedman and I were nestled watching a movie and feeling pretty happy that everything was so calm and it was only 10:30 pm. I stepped out of bed to run to the bathroom when my entire body vaulted itself into a standing position on the bed. And then I screamed. Blog-Stedman looked up at me… WHAT’S WRONG crazy screaming woman in my bed? I pointed down to the floor where a snake laid coiled on the dark floor approximately 6 inches from where my foot had rested for less than a nanosecond. I am no fan of the snake. I am no fan of the snake in my bedroom. I might have screamed again.

Poor blog-Stedman.   He isn’t really a fan of the snake either, but he was a guy with a screaming wife dancing on the bed so he had no choice but to take action. Holly, go into the living room and call animal control.   I will stay here and watch the snake. I was obviously not wearing shoes at that moment which suddenly seemed to be a very big issue to me.   I considered going to get shoes, but decided against it since my closet was now in snake territory. So I ran barefoot and screaming from the room abandoning blog-Stedman and the snake. I have animal control on speed dial.   Since I know them so well, I was aware that they close at 7 pm.   Because of my frequent encounters with all God’s creatures, I was aware that the local police department takes over for animal control at 7:01 pm each evening so I dialed the non-emergency line to the police department despite the fact that I feel that a snake in my bedroom is a very big emergency. While waiting, blog-Stedman would occasionally call out a snake updates. Not necessary. I was not interested in anything snake-related except snake-removal. A long-suffering policeman showed up within minutes and seemed a bit amused at me barefoot and in my pajamas pointing him down the hall into snake territory while plotting how I would never again sleep without shoes. I might have screamed again. He was able to capture the snake in a plastic storage bin that I provided. Whew. He brought it out to the living room. Ewww. For me to see. No thanks. He was sweet to ask what I wanted done with the snake. Don’t care!   Just get it out of here. And that he would return the storage container. No thanks!   I wouldn’t be using that again. Ever. You can keep it! Statistically the snake was at least 3 feet long and about an inch in diameter.   Statistically the snake was not poisonous even though it had markings similar to a copperhead.   Statistically I was in no danger. Statistically I am now wearing my snake fighting boots in the house.