my butt is burning: the story

A few years ago in celebration of our 15th wedding anniversary, I took blog-Stedman to Las Vegas.

I made all the arrangements as a surprise.

He really doesn’t like to travel and he hates surprises so I obviously wasn’t paying attention in our marriage at that point, but that is not this story.

I had reserved a rental car through one of those online price comparision sites and chosen the cheapest mid-size car.   We were not going to be staying on the strip so we would be in need of a car.

We arrived in Vegas and made our way to the car rental place which ended up to be a line of colossal proportions.

We waited.   And waited.   And waited.

Finally, I get to the desk, sign the paperwork and head to the parking lot to find our car.

Our car.

Our car was a stripped down sedan shell of a car.

It barely had a steering wheel.

I was not amused, but we reluctantly got in our car.

It smelled bad.

It smelled really really bad.

It pretty much stunk.

I wanted to go get a different car, but there was no way blog-Stedman was going back to the desk to re-enter the line of colossal proportions.

So we drive off in the smelly sedan skeleton.

We had gone about 3 miles and had the following conversation:

Him(frustrated): My seat warmer is on.
Me(mocking): This car doesn’t have seat warmers, it doesn’t even have power windows. It must be the sun from where it was parked. We are in Vegas, baby*!

*the baby was added to this story for dramatic effect and did not appear in the actual story.

2 miles later:
Him(exasperated): My seat warmer is on!
Me(exasperated and mocking): THIS CAR DOESN’T HAVE SEAT WARMERS. Why would they need seat warmers in this part of the country? It is January. It is 70 degrees.

1 mile later:
Him(exasperated and desperate): My butt is burning! Get the manual out of the glove compartment and look up how to turn off these seat warmers.
Me(assured and being reassuring): There are NO seat warmers in this car. They don’t need them here and this pile of junk wouldn’t have them anyway.

Right then, no mileage has accrued:
Him(exasperated, desperate and close to tears?): My butt is burning if you don’t get the manual and turn my seat warmer off I am going to stop this car on the side of the road and do it myself.
Me(quietly offended at being spoken to in that manner): Well, OK.

So, I look in the manual and found the seat warmer page*…

*CRAP! A whole page dedicated to seat warmers in this manual is not a good sign for my side of the argument.

…and found the switch*…

*CRAP!   There was a switch!

…which could only mean*…

*Really people, put two and two together

..that car had no business having seat warmers.


  1. Love the story. Who really has seat warmers in Vegas in a skelaton of a car though? Seriously, I understand your side.

  2. jennifer h says:

    No business, no business at all. That is so funny. Some rentals don’t even have power windows. I would have been just as disbelieving.

  3. Burgh Baby's Mom says:

    Men are so helpless. Can’t even find a stupid butt warmer power switch without help . . .

  4. A Mom Two Boys says:

    HaaHa. Sounds like something I’d do to DJ. How was the rest of the trip?

  5. Tootsie Farklepants says:

    The seat warmers were probably in lieu of an actual heater.

  6. Nevadanese (how do you categorize those from Nevada?) are big cold butt wimps. They need seat warmers for the days it gets below 50.

  7. classic and hilarious; that so could have happened to me!

    on the other hand, derrick thinks it’s hilarious to slyly turn my seat warmer on high when i’m not paying attention. which is so not funny.

  8. anglophilefootballfanatic says:

    That’s so funny. Puppy’s volvo in high school had them & one shorted out (mine!) sending my biscuits burning, too. I refused to ride in it until he got the car fixed.

  9. Nap Warden says:

    I love the seat warmers…not in Vegas though. At least it was his butt burning and not yours:)

  10. Oh, what a funny story! This is so something that would happen to us – to ME! Funny! Take care – Kellan

  11. Wow. You really know how to set your man on fire, don’t ya!

    Too funny!

  12. Seriously rolling.
    Bless your heart, but thanks for the giggles 🙂
    Her finger is alright 🙂
    Apparently, you cannot kill Aloe. I thought we had. It came back and it’s healthy and I’ll be darned. Who knew you could grown that, by the driveway, in S. Texas 🙂 LOL.

  13. Great story! Too funny that he had to get you to find the switch.

  14. DOMESTIC DIVA says:

    Oh my goodness that is hilarious!

  15. THAT is funny. And how was the REST of the anniversary trip?

  16. You know, I was kinda happy it had seat warmers. I mean, the alternative could have resulted in a burned off rear end . . .

  17. Jerseygirl89 says:

    I was totally expecting the seat to be actually burning because of some problem with the car. But that story made me laugh out loud anyway.

  18. LOL!!! Don’t you hate it when they are right?

  19. imaginary binky says:

    Haha! That happens in our car all the time. The darn switches are in the center console where our arms or items are bound to hit them. Every once in awhile, a phantom ghost rubs our buns and heats us without permission. We have to be careful that we aren’t transporting our friend who says that butt warmers always make him need to do the number two.

  20. Great story! One time my mom accidentally turned on the seat warmer in my car and didn’t know it. She thought she had wet her pants.

  21. That is hilarious! 1. because it’s in the past and we might as well laugh now. 2. Because it didn’t happen to me… and 3. Someone of the male gender actually asked you to look at the directions.. a manual….that is freakin unbelievable!!!

  22. Damn…I can’t top “rump roast.”

    So I’ll just read quietly.

  23. See this is where I would have said I will believe you when your pants are on fire.

  24. I’d be right there with you insisting there were no seat warmers. Why would there be in Vegas?

  25. I was getting worried that it really didn’t have seat warmers. That would have been a much bigger problem. Love the way you told this story.

  26. OMG, this story just made my day! That was a hilarious story. And, you’re totally right about that car having no business having seat warmers.

    …how does a car that doesnt have power windows have a seat warmer?

  27. That would SO happen to me. I would have automatically assumed the car was on fire and pulled over after the second time he said something.

  28. And one to file for future use? A friend of ours in a police officer who has an unofficial policy that he will not write a ticket to anyone who can give a unique excuse for speeding. We live in South Florida and have a very large population of…older citizens. One such gentleman was caught speeding down A1A when he announced to the officer that he couldn’t set his seat warmer off and his butt was burning.

    He was sent on toasting his buns but ticketless…

  29. Hey –
    Do you have one of those wordle or gorble things that tells you all the words that you use the most in your blog? And when are we getting together. I am thinking it is time for a facial and it is DEFINITELY time for a pedicure.
    Any plans??
    Oh and there is a new Scentsy warmer for June for Dad’s who are golfers. I don’t know if blog-Stedman golfes but it is an idea. Check it out and call me.

  30. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you
    wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can
    do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is great blog.

    A great read. I will definitely be back.

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