What Moms of Special Needs Children Do Not Want to Hear

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This weekend was really difficult for us.  Jon, Rory and I went to a local K9 Festival and had a great time seeing all the dogs.  There was only one problem; Rory’s shoes were quite a distraction for many people.  She was in her bike/stroller so if people saw her from one side, they would only see her one big shoe.

We had so many people come up to us talking about her shoe; the usual comments: how they have never seen platform shoes for babies, if she has trouble walking in her platforms, where they can find heels for their babies, and of course how cute it is.  Jon is better about shaking things off than I am, but after a while these comments start to get to me.

its rory that's cute not the shoe

Which brings me to today’s post.  There are a few things that people have said to me that have made me feel nothing less than awful.  I just want other people to know.

 “What did you do to cause this?” 

I know that as a mother of a child with special needs, I have guilt about Rory’s leg.  I know that there was nothing I could have done differently during my pregnancy that would change Rory’s getting Congenital Femoral Deficiency, but I still have the motherly feelings of guilt that there was something I could have done; because she was in my womb.  The last thing a mother wants to here is that they did something to harm their baby- trust me, they have enough guilt, even if they had no control over what happened.

I remember the first time an older woman said this to me (at a church no less).  It killed me, I came home and cried for hours.  I wasn’t sure if she expected me to say that I smoked during my pregnancy or what (I did pregnancy by the book) but I do know how much it hurt.

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Havalyn About Havalyn

Havalyn is a stay at home mama with a beautiful girl with CFD (congenital femoral deficiency). She devotes her days to helping her grow and develop by doing crafts and activities together. In her spare time she enjoys spending time with family, anything artsy, working out, music, baking, and reading. Hava writes about her life at Rory Jane and Little Right Leg and tweets as @LittleRightLeg.

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