Objective: By the end of today’s lesson the student will be able to properly demonstrate the necessary steps to successfully place a dog in an automobile.
Time: 51 minutes
Laboratory Information: Students will be divided into groups of two. These partners should have good working knowledge of the other individual’s problem solving skills. If the partners have been married for 17 years, this is a bonus.
Required Materials:
(refer to figure A)
1. 50 lb. bulldog approximately 8 years old with a skin condition.
2. Two blue plastic child’s golf clubs.
3. One yellow plastic child’s golf club.
4. One green bucket.
5. One hose fitted with multi-sprayer capabilities including “power wash”.
6. One child’s black plastic billy club from a Halloween police costume.
7. Standard garden rake.
8. One child’s white plastic space grabber from a Halloween spaceman costume.
8. Grey minivan.
Fig. A
Instructions:
1. Make arrangements for quick get away vacation to Casinos with another couple.
2. Make reservation for dog at local boarding location.
3. Go to back yard to retrieve dog.
4. Open back door to allow dog to walk through house into garage.
5. Open back of SUV for dog to be pushed up into.
6. Note that dog heads straight for the minivan and scurries underneath.
7. Note that dog is lodged under minivan.
8. Note disgusted expression on dog’s face.
9. Call to dog.
10. Repeat.
11. Repeat with a happier voice to entice dog.
12. Repeat with an exasperated voice to demonstrate frustration to dog.
13. Retrieve bread from kitchen.
14. Lay out path of bread crumbs that start at dog’s nose and extend to area OUTSIDE the under portion of the minivan.
15. Watch dog carefully as dog refuses all food.
16. Place minivan in neutral and try to push minivan back avoiding wheel to dog contact.
17. Honk the minivan horn wildly.
18. Observe dog not moving.
19. Start minivan and place gear into reverse.
20. Have partner monitor dog’s distance to wheel with hands.
21. Slowly drive backward.
22. Watch partner’s hands get closer and closer together.
23. Stop when partner motions that dog’s body is next to wheel.
24. Repeat the honking.
25. Turn off car.
26. Fill green bucket with water.
27. Throw water from opposite side of minivan into the general direction of dog.
28. Note that dog has not budged.
29. Get out hose with power wash functioning head.
30. Point power wash spray in general direction of dog’s butt.
31. Note how dog is irritated by water.
32. Note how dog snaps at water with teeth.
33. Note how dog’s position remains unchanged.
34. Retrieve two blue child’s golf clubs.
35. Poke irritated dog.
36. Note how dog bites golf clubs.
37. Note how dog’s position remains unchanged.
38. Retrieve child’s billy club (black plastic from Halloween police costume).
39. Retrieve child’s space grabber (white plastic from Halloween spaceman costume).
Not pictured.
40. Use billy club in one hand and space grabber in the other to attempt collar placement on dog’s neck.
41. Note how dog is biting at billy club and space grabber.
42. Have partner offer yellow child’s golf club to dog to chew on during collar placement.
43. Recommend that
next dog might be one with a larger HEAD then NECK for better collar placement options.
44. Once collar is tentatively placed, one partner should be manning hose while the other is pulling dog forward.
45. Repeat steps 40-44 as needed due to collar slippage.
46. Note that dog’s position remains unchanged.
47. Refrain from above steps out of exhaustion.
48. Take a break.
49. Retrieve the rake.
50. One partner should then lay on ground on opposite side of minivan and use rake forcefully to PUSH dog forward.
51. The other partner should then PULL on collar of dog carefully watching for collar slippage.
52. Steps 50 & 51 should be done simultaneously.
53. Note that dog’s position has slightly changed!
54. REPEAT!
55. REPEAT!
56. REPEAT!
57. Note that dog is freed from underneath minivan.
58. Walk dog to back of SUV.
59. Push dog up into back of SUV.
60. Note how wet dog shakes all over inside of SUV.
Assessment: If you have properly followed all the above steps, your finished product will look like this:
Class Dismissed.
Teacher disclaimer: No 50 lb. bulldog was harmed in the making of this lesson ONLY through the amazing patience exhibited by the lab partners.
Objective: By the end of today’s lesson the student will be able to properly demonstrate the necessary steps to successfully place a dog in an automobile.
Time: 51 minutes
Laboratory Information: Students will be divided into groups of two. These partners should have good working knowledge of the other individual’s problem solving skills. If the partners have been married for 17 years, this is a bonus.
Required Materials:
(refer to figure A)
1. 50 lb. bulldog approximately 8 years old with a skin condition.
2. Two blue plastic child’s golf clubs.
3. One yellow plastic child’s golf club.
4. One green bucket.
5. One hose fitted with multi-sprayer capabilities including “power wash”.
6. One child’s black plastic billy club from a Halloween police costume.
7. Standard garden rake.
8. One child’s white plastic space grabber from a Halloween spaceman costume.
8. Grey minivan.
Fig. A
Instructions:
1. Make arrangements for quick get away vacation to Casinos with another couple.
2. Make reservation for dog at local boarding location.
3. Go to back yard to retrieve dog.
4. Open back door to allow dog to walk through house into garage.
5. Open back of SUV for dog to be pushed up into.
6. Note that dog heads straight for the minivan and scurries underneath.
7. Note that dog is lodged under minivan.
8. Note disgusted expression on dog’s face.
9. Call to dog.
10. Repeat.
11. Repeat with a happier voice to entice dog.
12. Repeat with an exasperated voice to demonstrate frustration to dog.
13. Retrieve bread from kitchen.
14. Lay out path of bread crumbs that start at dog’s nose and extend to area OUTSIDE the under portion of the minivan.
15. Watch dog carefully as dog refuses all food.
16. Place minivan in neutral and try to push minivan back avoiding wheel to dog contact.
17. Honk the minivan horn wildly.
18. Observe dog not moving.
19. Start minivan and place gear into reverse.
20. Have partner monitor dog’s distance to wheel with hands.
21. Slowly drive backward.
22. Watch partner’s hands get closer and closer together.
23. Stop when partner motions that dog’s body is next to wheel.
24. Repeat the honking.
25. Turn off car.
26. Fill green bucket with water.
27. Throw water from opposite side of minivan into the general direction of dog.
28. Note that dog has not budged.
29. Get out hose with power wash functioning head.
30. Point power wash spray in general direction of dog’s butt.
31. Note how dog is irritated by water.
32. Note how dog snaps at water with teeth.
33. Note how dog’s position remains unchanged.
34. Retrieve two blue child’s golf clubs.
35. Poke irritated dog.
36. Note how dog bites golf clubs.
37. Note how dog’s position remains unchanged.
38. Retrieve child’s billy club (black plastic from Halloween police costume).
39. Retrieve child’s space grabber (white plastic from Halloween spaceman costume). Not pictured.
40. Use billy club in one hand and space grabber in the other to attempt collar placement on dog’s neck.
41. Note how dog is biting at billy club and space grabber.
42. Have partner offer yellow child’s golf club to dog to chew on during collar placement.
43. Recommend that next dog might be one with a larger HEAD then NECK for better collar placement options.
44. Once collar is tentatively placed, one partner should be manning hose while the other is pulling dog forward.
45. Repeat steps 40-44 as needed due to collar slippage.
46. Note that dog’s position remains unchanged.
47. Refrain from above steps out of exhaustion.
48. Take a break.
49. Retrieve the rake.
50. One partner should then lay on ground on opposite side of minivan and use rake forcefully to PUSH dog forward.
51. The other partner should then PULL on collar of dog carefully watching for collar slippage.
52. Steps 50 & 51 should be done simultaneously.
53. Note that dog’s position has slightly changed!
54. REPEAT!
55. REPEAT!
56. REPEAT!
57. Note that dog is freed from underneath minivan.
58. Walk dog to back of SUV.
59. Push dog up into back of SUV.
60. Note how wet dog shakes all over inside of SUV.
Assessment: If you have properly followed all the above steps, your finished product will look like this:
Class Dismissed.
Teacher disclaimer: No 50 lb. bulldog was harmed in the making of this lesson ONLY through the amazing patience exhibited by the lab partners.
You are too incredibly funny. What would I do during my week without a dose of fun from you?
Thanks for the laugh!
Thats too funny! Poor doggy. He was wedged wasnt he
Serious LOL. I’m majorly impressed that you didn’t run over the dog–just a tiny bit–out of frustration.
Poor grumpy puppy. I would a) call my burly father, who would carry her into his truck. The end.
I am SOOOOO jealous. Our Bully? I can’t get her the frack out of the car. If the door opens and she’s within 10 miles, she suddenly gains the ability to run and jump like a normal (not lazy) dog and lands in my car, thereby leaving a cloud of slobber and fur all over my precious little Audrey. Getting her out? Impossible. Not even offering to let her eat a cat works. Ugh.
You have a bulldog? I would have sworn I’ve seen pictures of a yellow fluffy dog. Was I dreaming?
And you forgot all the swearing and hollering.
Oh, crap I am laughing so hard I just peed myself! lol OH!
We are getting a bulldog in the next 8 months. Is this what I have to look forward to?
I can’t keep my lab/greyhound/box of rocks for brains out of my car! The Boston Terrier is always happy yo go for ride.
Do you think the same steps could be taken for a cat that has wedged itself up in the insides of a couch? The water part might be the best option…
Found you at BlogNosh. Hey! And I love the LF toilet post. Those things are nothing but crap, pardon the pun.
Your bull dog called me from the kennel last night. he left a message. i will transcribe:
“Let the tall woman and tall man who feed me know that they are lucky I gave up when I did. They didn’t win. I LET them get me out. I was tired anyway…and was thinking some time away from these lunatics might be nice. They have cable TV here at the Kennel. I am watching AE taping of CATs the musical. It is not what I thought it would be…but still better than being shot with water by the tall people.”
Oh poor woman – I only hope your get-away makes the trouble worth it!
My steps to get the dog in the back of the SUV:
1) Get a *dumb* dog.
2) Open back of SUV.
3) Open back door.
4) Close SUV door after dumb dog jumps inside happily wagging her tail.
5) The end.