This is my tissue box:



Which is fine except really nothing in my entire house is that tealish-jewel-tone-80s-prom-dress-that-has-been-collecting-dust-in-my-closet-for-20-years-fading-and-slowly-rotting-away-greenish color. Lucky for me it also comes in this color:



Which is fine except really nothing in my entire house is that pepto-pinkish-chewed-up-bubble-gum-that-was-spit-on-the-sidewalk-and-trapped-into-the-crevices-of-your-shoe-only-to-be-deposited-on-your-new-beige-carpet-where-the-dog-licked-it-until-you-put-her-outside-to-clean-up-the-mess-while-your-children-created-a-river-in-the-extra-bath-by-building-a-sink-damn-washed-out-rosish color. Lucky for me it also comes in this color:



Which is fine except really nothing in my entire house is that greyish-skies-so-dark-it-could-be-a-storm-brewing-or-it-could-just-be-those-blue-feelings-that-you-consider-committing-yourself-to-a-mental-institution-for-a-48-hour-watch-and-really-blue-is-much-prettier-then-this-so-you-are-insulting-blue-when-you-call-it-blue-bluish color.

What is with “decorative” tissue boxes?

There is really no excuse for this. The companies that produce these spend millions of dollars in product research. They employ thousands of employees dedicated to bringing me a box of tissue. Why couldn’t they employ an artist or interior designer in JUST ONE of those positions?

Let’s go shopping! I obviously missed the “really good stuff” on the paper products aisle:



What is THAT color? And for the record I have never ever seen a rose look so gloomy.



Alright! Finally something with some sort of style. But this only was made in bright fuschia because everyone’s kitchens, bathrooms and bedrooms are bright fuschia!



Here is a simple design 4 pack. With a grey sunflower, an weird orangish sunflower and two purple sunflowers. So, let me get this straight…they are selling this in a 4 pack because they expected that these 3 colors will fit right into my house?

Before you start re-painting your walls grey sunflower, weird orangish and too purple, you might want this information:



Yes, my dear reader, you will have to ACT QUICKLY because this set is for a limited time ONLY!

So then I saw this three pack:



I liked the top box:



Despite it being in a color scheme of pink and orange. I was going to look beyond that just because it was cute. Well, in context of the world of “decorative” tissue boxes it was cute.

It was packaged with this soccer-themed box (which sports that same weird green color):



And this perky box:


Which required closer inspection. I then noticed they all have this label:



Yes, this is Puff’s “anything but old-school” series. Finally, a tissue company puts the EDGY back in blowing your nose. This is what I have been waiting for.



Graffiti art tissue boxes…



decorated with skulls.

Perfect for my yellow painted GRUNGE themed masterbath…



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65 Comments

  1. Holly, you are the only person I know that could write a whole post about the ugliness of Kleenex. Brilliant! I usually try to find the most neutral box and hide it.

  2. why can’t they make a nice white box? wouldn’t that be cool? nice and sleek and mod. perfect for my spotless swedish/modern decorated home (in my mind).

  3. I’m mourning the fact that all my beautiful tissue box covers are in storage. *sniff*

    Seriously, if tissue-makers looked at the Pottery Barn catalog or a copy of House Beautiful, then we’d get somewhere. It’s ridiculous, these designs.

  4. I agree…I mean, I feel outdated whenever I blow my nose with tissue out of a box that does not have a skull and crossbones on it and the words “Girls Rule” across the top.

  5. this hits so close to home, Holly. I truly take my tissues personally. Last week Genny and I were tissue shopping and I managed to vent my seemingly shallow frustrations aloud, as I searched for a tissue box which wouldn’t completely clash with the interior or my superbly (and anally) decorated home.
    Genny called me out on it. “It’s just tissue Mama, why does it HAVE to match our house?”
    In the end I found one, round and trendy, with similarly color schemed and non-repulsive exteriors.
    Why do these companies have to make it so hard??? And then they wonder why people prefer to just use toilet paper to blow their noses…
    DUH!

  6. I just roll with tissue box covers. ‘Cause I buy the Costco giganta-pak and they’re not into the whole “design” thing.