It was a quiet evening at home. The boys were all tucked into their beds…
well, by this time they were most likely congregated in one bed.
Blog-Stedman and I were nestled watching a movie and feeling pretty happy that everything was so calm and it was only 10:30 pm.
I stepped out of bed to run to the bathroom when
my entire body vaulted itself into a standing position on the bed.
And then I screamed.
Blog-Stedman looked up at me…
WHAT’S WRONG crazy screaming woman in my bed?
I pointed down to the floor where
a snake laid coiled on the dark floor approximately 6 inches from where my foot had rested
for less than a nanosecond.
I am no fan of the snake.
I am no fan of the snake in my bedroom.
I might have screamed again.
Poor blog-Stedman. He isn’t really a fan of the snake either, but he was a guy with a screaming wife dancing on the bed so he had no choice but to take action.
Holly, go into the living room and call animal control. I will stay here and watch the snake.
I was
obviously not wearing shoes at that moment which suddenly seemed to be a
very big issue to me. I considered going to get shoes, but decided against it since my closet was now in
snake territory.
So I ran
barefoot and screaming from the room abandoning blog-Stedman and the snake.
I have animal control on speed dial. Since I know them so well, I was aware that they close at 7 pm.
Because of my frequent encounters with
all God’s creatures, I was aware that the local police department takes over for animal control at 7:01 pm each evening so I dialed the non-emergency line to the police department
despite the fact that I feel that a snake in my bedroom is a very big emergency.
While waiting, blog-Stedman would occasionally call out a snake updates.
Not necessary. I was not interested in anything snake-related except snake-removal.
A long-suffering policeman showed up within minutes and seemed a bit amused at me barefoot and in my pajamas pointing him down the hall into
snake territory while plotting how I would never again sleep without shoes.
I might have screamed again.
He was able to capture the snake in a plastic storage bin that I provided.
Whew.
He brought it out to the living room.
Ewww.
For me to see.
No thanks.
He was sweet to ask what I wanted done with the snake.
Don’t care! Just get it out of here.
And that he would return the storage container.
No thanks! I wouldn’t be using that again. Ever. You can keep it!
Statistically the snake was at least 3 feet long and about an inch in diameter. Statistically the snake was not poisonous even though it had markings similar to a copperhead. Statistically I was in no danger.
Statistically I am now wearing
my snake fighting boots in the house.
Funny!
When I was in high school there was a snake in our bathtub….
My dad, being the rifle man that he is, promptly shot it with a 22 rifle.
The snake got away.
Our bathtub…. well… it was pretty jacked up afterwards.
Adventurous childhood I tell ya!
hmmm… can’t even begin to explain why it posted twice.
Ok, so I’m not usually an one-upper, but I so have to share this:
I found a snake in my baby’s crib, biting his toe. Yes, I shit you not. I was 9 months pregnant and we had just moved into a new apartment the week before. I checked on my 14 month old and there was a 3 foot long, California King snake wrapped around his foot trying to ingest him. I did not scream however, but only for fear of my water breaking and causing me to go into labor at a very untimely moment.
I called 9-1-1 and the operator dispatched the paramedics to my home, which thank all my lucky stars was within 3 minutes of the ambulance house. She then proceeded to call poison control who informed us that “luckily” there are no local poisonous snakes. At which time paramedics swooped into my house, into the baby’s room and told us it wasn’t a local snake. I wanted to pass out. BUT I stayed calm and collected while that amazing, awesome paramedic proceeded to save my baby from that nasty snake. The other paramedic picked up the baby and swooped him into the kitchen to clean the teeny-tiny scratches that the stupid snake made on him. So they were standing around with this snake dangling in my house and were trying to figure out what to do with it. The neighbor comes out to see what is going on and says, “Hey! The old neighbor lost that snake about 5 months ago!” And thank goodness she knew what kind of snake it was so we knew it wasn’t poisonous after all.
We got to ride in the ambulance to the emergency room for a check-up and a bandaid. Then my husband came home and found out from the landlord that a snake tried to eat the baby and he put a hole in the wall.
I’m happy to report I didn’t go into labor and my darling JoNathan was written up in two separate newspapers!
Oh- JoNathan is now 13 and he wants a pet snake, a California King to be exact.
I think not.
Oh and one more thing. One of the newspapers wrote that the snake was killed. Uh, no. The paramedics kept it as a pet at the ambulance house because it was the most bizarre case they’d ever been on in 20 years.
Ok, so I’m not usually an one-upper, but I so have to share this:
I found a snake in my baby’s crib, biting his toe. Yes, I shit you not. I was 9 months pregnant and we had just moved into a new apartment the week before. I checked on my 14 month old and there was a 3 foot long, California King snake wrapped around his foot trying to ingest him. I did not scream however, but only for fear of my water breaking and causing me to go into labor at a very untimely moment.
I called 9-1-1 and the operator dispatched the paramedics to my home, which thank all my lucky stars was within 3 minutes of the ambulance house. She then proceeded to call poison control who informed us that “luckily” there are no local poisonous snakes. At which time paramedics swooped into my house, into the baby’s room and told us it wasn’t a local snake. I wanted to pass out. BUT I stayed calm and collected while that amazing, awesome paramedic proceeded to save my baby from that nasty snake. The other paramedic picked up the baby and swooped him into the kitchen to clean the teeny-tiny scratches that the stupid snake made on him. So they were standing around with this snake dangling in my house and were trying to figure out what to do with it. The neighbor comes out to see what is going on and says, “Hey! The old neighbor lost that snake about 5 months ago!” And thank goodness she knew what kind of snake it was so we knew it wasn’t poisonous after all.
We got to ride in the ambulance to the emergency room for a check-up and a bandaid. Then my husband came home and found out from the landlord that a snake tried to eat the baby and he put a hole in the wall.
I’m happy to report I didn’t go into labor and my darling JoNathan was written up in two separate newspapers!
Oh- JoNathan is now 13 and he wants a pet snake, a California King to be exact.
I think not.
Oh and one more thing. One of the newspapers wrote that the snake was killed. Uh, no. The paramedics kept it as a pet at the ambulance house because it was the most bizarre case they’d ever been on in 20 years.
OMG! That is a crazy story!! Wow.
I would have died right there the instant I realized that there was a snake in my midst. You are so brave for being able to get off the bed and to be able to dial the phone and create actual sentences. There is no way I would have been able to do any of that, being dead and all.
How did it get in and why do you still live there. You need to move to Hawaii. Did you know that there are no snakes in Hawaii? THAT’S why they call it paradise.
I’d have freaked the heck out but I don’t think it would have ever occurred to me to call anyone about it. Animal control here is largely useless for anything but making half assed suggestions. I did get them come out once by telling them there was a goat on my roof, which there totally was because I have a sod roofed house but it took me 10 minutes to convince them of it and even then they tried to fob me off with ‘oh put some veggies out in your driveway for it, it’ll come after them eventually” Yes, but then I’d have a GOAT in my DRIVEWAY, which is an improvement but only a minor one.
I’d have posted on Facebook – SNAKE IN MY BEDROOM!! HELP!!!! and waited for suggestions.
Statistically, I would forget the statistics. The only true solution would be to move. Hire packers, ’cause you never know what else might be lurking in dark corners, and get the hell out while you can. Who knows, maybe that was a mommma and there are babies, or cousins or a big ass daddy. Run like the wind and never look back!! Did I mention snakes freak the shit out of me?
Oh Lordy – you wouldn’t last very long in this neck of the woods (we’re south of you on a cattle ranch). My son recently woke up his brother by throwing a snake in his bunk. And if you call the police to take care of your snake issues they will make fun of you first, and then tell you to shoot it :). BTW – speaking of Texas nastiness…I had a scorpion sting me on my chin (apparently on its way to my mouth) while I was sleeping a couple of mornings ago. Dwell on that one for awhile tonight! Love your blog.
O.M.G… and I mean that as loudly and dramatically as possible. OMG OMGOMGOMGOMG… considering your post made my heart race and my blood pressure rise- can you imagine if this had actually HAPPENED to me?
Surely my blog’s last post would be my obit.
in the house? in your room? yuck.