The straight poop

One of many things that was not obvious to me before I became a mother was the amount of time I would spend each day in poop-related activities.   And yes, I am referring to the poop of others, not my own.

Rhett Questioning

Of course I expected the diaper phase to be poop-laden, but even during that phase I didn’t expect to be interested in the details of said poop.

And then I expected that the potty training phase would be exhausting, but even during that phase I didn’t expect to be eating, drinking and sleeping thinking about a 3 year old’s poop.

So now that we are out of diapers and past potty training then I am free...

right?

Ya, that would be a definite NO.

Crap.

First there are toilet issues

What to Expect when You are Expecting never mentioned that I would need complete knowledge of the inner workings of a toilet.   I have had to repair flushing mechanisms, replace those flappy things and adjust the tension on the chain.

Dr. Spock didn’t cover that I would need advanced plunging skills (twice today).   He also neglected to mention that little boys are experts at over estimate their toilet paper needs hence their mothers will need to buy plungers at Costco.

Your Baby and Child skipped over the fact that the ability to wipe oneself accurately might not kick in until well into the seventh year of life.

And even Bringing Up Boys didn’t address the issue of what a mommy does about boys in public restrooms.   Here is where I admit that I don’t have it as bad as I assume stay-at-home dads have it bringing up girls…but I have questions and complaints just the same…

What do you do when your son is too old for the public WOMEN’S RESTROOM?

My first impulse is to do require them to accompany me into the WOMEN’S RESTROOM until they leave for college…

Crap.

Double crap.

You see, the MEN’S RESTROOM is a mystery to me.

I have no problem keeping it that way.

*shudder*

So here is the deal.   I feel pretty confident about standing outside the MEN’S RESTROOM (preferably ones without doors so I can hear what is going on) when my 5 and 8 year old go inside (preferably together).

I have even been known to grab a clean-cut-dad-type to send in after an unusually quiet 2 minute wait.

BUT today was the first time I allowed my 3 year old in with his brothers.   We were at a community pool.   All the boys had to pee.   I tried to talk them into accompanying me into the WOMEN’S facilities, but realized that girls their age could be changing and that might not be appropriate.   So they went into the MEN’S restroom and Rhett(3) tagged along.   He is pretty independent, but occasionally requires re-dressing assistance.

In they went.

*waiting*

Reid(5) pops out and says something to the effect that he can’t find a toilet and asks if he can pee into one of those things hanging on the wall.

I responded with a cringe and a nod.

*waiting*

I can see that Ryan is washing his hands.

*waiting*

Reid is now washing his hands.

*waiting*

Rhett walks out with his swimming suit around his ankles saying, “that bathroom WEIRD, I want to go to the GIRLS one”.

And so the mystery continues…

0 Comments

  1. We still refer to mine as “the mommies and kids bathroom.” I’ve only recently started allowing Gremlin (4) to wait outside the stall. I know it’s past time for me to let HRH (6.5 yrs) go into the MENS ROOM by himself.

  2. I could relate a few stories, but they’re all kinda crappy.

  3. Shucks – I was so planning on being done with poop as soon as this potty training phase is over…. I DO NOT understand why my little one will rush to the potty, sit on it for 10 minutes with NOTHING coming out, then get up, squat, and do it on the floor. Twice in one day.

  4. The other day my three-year old said he had to go. No problem. Baut as I was leading him to the restroom, he said he just wanted to go behind a tree. What?? Apparently at the last softball game, Jenni let him do that. My point? It took the third boy for her to relax a little, I think.

    My girls loved the mens room whenever they came in with me, especially those low sinks. Yeah, Ewww!

  5. How funny! I’ve had my fair share of poop stories and my daughter is only one. I can only imagine what’s to come. Very funny stuff 🙂

  6. HAHA!! The men’s restroom IS weird! I used to have nightmares every time I sent Brandon in to go by himself…eek.

  7. I’m laughing, kind of hard. But I predict I will have nightmares about this post.

  8. Even my kids are now saying there is too much poop in my life. I guess I complain about it too much. My son is going to kindergarten in the fall, so I am officially declaring myself done wiping his butt. If his teachers won’t do it for him, why should I? And if there is no danger of changing girls, then boys are fine to go in a women’s restroom, as there is nothing to see.

  9. I don’t envy you! I remember when my son was little and having to send him in the mens room alone………..
    He was fine.
    I was traumatized!

  10. I think the men’s room IS weird!

    I will be dragging my boys into the ladies room with me until they are old enough to physically stop me, I suspect…

  11. HAHA! And this is why I only want girls… but my dad’s favorite story is when he took me to the men’s bathroom at a movie theater when I was 3 and I poked my head out from under the stall to yell, “DADDY WHY IS THAT MAN PEEING ON THE FLOOR???” He said the guy laughed so hard he thought he was going to fall down.

    Now that I have a tiny clone of myself wandering around my house I can imagine it perfectly.

  12. When Landry was in preschool. The teacher came to meand said Landrys daddy needs to talk with hima nd take him to a piblic restroom.. Why I ask in horror..
    Becouse today when they went to check on him he was sitting in the urinal.

  13. I certainly have my fair share of bathroom stories to tell — even have to wipe my fair share of poopy bottoms around here (still) — but I didn’t see the pants around the ankles as he walked out of the bathroom coming! Oh that made me laugh.

  14. I like that so many places now have the “companion restrooms”…I would have no problems taking an older child in with me in there.

  15. That is an interesting dilemma. I could really feel your anxiety. I mean, three young boys alone in a public bathroom could get into a lot of trouble. Sometimes those toilets suck you straight off the seat!

  16. I wish the family restroom would catch on a little more quickly. Of course, having only girls, I don’t have that send-my-kids-alone-into-a-public-restroom panic. My poor husband does occasionally have to deal with the stares of taking a little girl into the men’s room with him …

  17. Smiling over here. My 5 1/2 year old boy is just now insisting on going in the men’s room when he can beat me to the bathroom. I have to stand outside yelling, are you alone in there?! He’s a brave boy to enter the *shudder* facility. What one does for the sake of one’s manhood!

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