The Great Pertussis Scare of 2009 (Alternately titled: There is Pertussis Among Us)
We recently went to a dinner party. A really fun dinner party.
At said dinner party – the host’s (whom I love dearly just by the way) oldest Son had a terrible wicked no good very bad cough. He is also a Reactive Airway Disease kid just like my Noodle and is her “vewy favowite boy” as she likes to say. As we drove away from the party I did turn to the BD and say, “you know – that really was a bad cough – I sure hope he is ok”.
Fast forward to Wednesday – 1:50pm – I am dressing kids in swim suits to head over to a birthday party for one of our very best friends. Mom is an essential part of my Momtourage AND the mother of the FOUR most precious girls you have ever met. Now needless to say – thankfully – I got the call before we all headed over to her house and infected half of our town’s population of girls with………
wait for it……………
oh yes – you know by now from my title:
I had JUST been at the pediatrician that morning with my own Reactive Airway Disease cutie patootie plus the Little Buddy had a little cough so we called our pediatrician who immediately sent us to a big children’s hospital nearby to be tested ASAP because you know what starts tomorrow???????
The Fourth of July Three Day Weekend! Yippee – right? Not so much if you are waiting on Pertussis results and have no idea if you are fit for human company.
Soooo we race to the Pediatrician pick up the forms to get the test done, pick up the Best Daddy and head off to the lab in a wing of the big hospital.
We get there – we get out of the car and we head in where I have to check three children in to the hospital and get outfitted with arm bands!
I just wanted to say, “really? we are just going to be here for a second (little did I know) and I will keep a close eye on them. No need for id tags.”
So 20 minutes later – we get checked in – head to the lab, she takes my millions of stickers and then says, “oh ooops – we can’t do a Pertussis test here – you have to go to the BIG hospital.”
So we head back out to our car after some very serious instructions that involved a parking garage, two elevators and a sky bridge. As we are loading up I say, “Sarah Jessica Parker – the stickers the stickers, we need to get the stickers back from the girl!!!!!!!!”
So I run back in (have I mentioned it is really really really hot in Texas this time of year?) Anyway I digress……
We finally get to the next lab. I sign the children in at 4:18. My pediatrician gave us strict instructions (at 2:30 by the way) that we were to take the test (by the way – at this point – I still have NO idea what kind of test we were talking about but more on that later) by 5:00 in order to get results back before the holiday – 5:00pm – I say – 5:00pm for the love of Mike – 5:00pm!!!!!!!!
So the lab guys says that they have to get someone from respiratory over there and it would be just a minute……
Flash to 4:57pm – I am literally about to come out of my skin. I can feel the grey hairs pushing out of my scalp and the zits bulging out of my face…………
Respiratory shows up. One by one I have to go back into a room with a man with a mask and gloves on and watch him joke as he shoves a sparkler- like object up each and every one of my children’s noses until they screamed as if their eyelashes were being plucked out…….
…….it was great. By the time we left the hospital the poor Noodle was wheezing so hard from the stress of it all – I almost thought we were going to have to stop in at emergency to get a quick breathing treatment but at this point the Best Daddy has that grim – I am a Daddy – I am going to get us the hell out of here – if I have to go rogue Spiderman and climb the walls – look on his face, so we just scurried on home.
Thursday morning dawns and we play the waiting game. We stay in our pj’s, we do breathing treatments, we make balloon animals (well sort of), we watch TV, we wait…….
I call the hospital – here is the conversation…..
Me – yes hello there – I would like to check on my (insert last name) children’s pertussis tests
Guy on phone at hospital – yes the labs are in the computer but I am afraid that I cannot release them to you – you are “only their Mother”…….
Now let me tell you – at this point – you know when people joke about exploding – I actually know that feeling now – I really really think that my neck is sore now from trying to hold my head on………
Anyway conversation continued….
Me – (voice one octave higher) ONLY THEIR MOTHER??????
Guy on phone – well yes Ma’am – we have no way of knowing if you are actually their Mother
Me – CAN YOU NOT TELL FROM THE HYSTERICAL TONE IN MY VOICE THAT I AM THEIR MOTHER????????
Guy on phone – I am sorry Ma’am – I need their doctor to call.
Me – click
Speed Dial Pediatrician
Nice lady on phone at Doctor’s office – Holly – I promise we will call right now and call you back
Me – click again
Hello? Good news Mrs. Holly! All labs came back negative. Enjoy your Fourth of July weekend.
Sweet Sarah Jessica Parker!
Might have to enjoy an adult beverage this weekend – just thinkin’ out loud here…….
Holly is a former teacher now loving life as a stay at home Mom married to the Best Daddy (nicknamed BD for the purpose of posts). I get to hang out every day with my two bowhead girls – My Ladybug age 7, and My Noodle age 5 and our Little Buddy age 2. Go check out more adventures at http://iheartbowheads.blogspot.com
Cute story! Glad things worked out okay for your crew.
And, I’m not going to go into a whole shpiel but I hope your story helps a few moms get those immunizations that they are sure will be more deadly than pertussis.