you are not chinese and other mutterings

Ryan has been fascinated by China for awhile. We have read books about China. We have recorded TV shows about China. We have answered quite a few questions about China.

The other night we were walking and he declared that he was Chinese.

Out of the blue.

I am Chinese.

Ryan age nine is not chinese

Uh…no.

There was no talking him out of the fact that China is not part of his heritage.

He kept arguing and arguing and arguing to the point where I in exasperation stated, “You are NOT Chinese!”

As soon as I uttered the words, I realized that my streak for yelling ridiculous statements in November continues…I have noticed that every once in awhile I have “yelled” something unusual at my kids.

boy with an anvil

And by “yelling” I mean a hasty order with a slightly raised voice out of pure exasperation.

I first noted this phenomenon with the following phrase:

“Take the baby’s shoes out of the fridge!”–Holly, November 21, 2007

Yep, that is pretty unexpected, but I think I topped that with this:

“Who threw the anvil?”–Holly, November 2, 2008

I might even dare to say that no one in the history of the world (outside of maybe an ACME cartoon character) has ever said those words.

Why does Holly own an anvil?

I don’t own an anvil. It is Ryan’s anvil.

Why did Holly’s oldest son own an anvil at the ripe age of 7?

He got it for Christmas a few Christmases ago.

Oh.

What?

Yep, when Ryan was 5 he got an anvil for Christmas. He opened the gift and said, “Oh good! Just what I wanted!

It was true. The anvil topped Ryan’s Christmas list that year. He was really into breaking rocks into smaller pieces with a hammer. He was sure that if he broke enough stones he would find a diamond.

When you use a hammer on stones, it is best to have an anvil. His anvil arrived from grandparents who also included protective eye wear. Overall it was his favorite gift.

So back to the anvil flying through the air…

Me: Who threw the anvil?

Ryan: Uhhhh…it was an ACCIDENT!

No one accidentally throws an anvil.

I did.

How?

I was holding it above my head and my arms got tired.

Alright. I think there is a new house rule that anvils stay on the ground.

It just occurred to me that strange phrases yelled at my kids often result in even more absurd rules.

39 Comments

  1. Weaselmomma says:

    Umm, this year is he asking Santa for rocket propelled roller skates?

  2. Kalynne Pudner says:

    Rules of the Nirvana:

    1) All anvils must stay out on the ground.

    2) No shoes in the refrigerator.

    3) Beavers felling trees along the driveway will be used for potluck Monday.

  3. This reminds me that I need an anvil.

  4. Manic Mommy says:

    “Don’t pick your brother’s nose!”

    An anvil? Really?

  5. Terri Tiffany says:

    LOL!!! I know I say this every time I come here –but you make me laugh out loud! No other blogs do!! Love the dated comments–that was perfct! ‘
    Maybe I will get my grandson an anvil in a few years–sounds fun!

  6. Angie Ledbetter says:

    “It just occurred to me that strange phrases yelled at my kids often result in even more absurd rules…”

    Kinda like government, hunh?

    I was gonna write you a poem, but couldn’t think of one stinkin’ word to rhyme with anvil. 🙂

  7. I have found myself chuckling after some statements come out of my mouth. That kinda ruins the whole “Mom is ticked – we’d better straighten up” effect.

  8. That is too funny!

  9. Reluctant Housewife says:

    So funny! All in all, though, it’s better to throw it than let it drop on his head. The anvil stays on the ground rule sound like a good one to me…

    I’ve had to say things like, “Get your toes out of your brother’s nose.” more often than I care to admit. 🙂

  10. jill jill bo bill says:

    When you come to the point you say, “If I have said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times…Anvils stay on the ground,” you may have a problem.

  11. Mrs Parks says:

    The visual is great on this one!

  12. Eudea-Mamia says:

    LOL!! Just where does one purchase an anvil? Local Feed Store?

    Overheard this weeked –
    Dear hubby: “don’t put your penis in the beeker.”

    I wanted to scream, “don’t put your penis in anything, ever!”

    Em

  13. Threeboys1mommy says:

    “STOP!!!! DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!! That’s daddy’s razor, NOT a tooth brush!”

    When I think about what he could of done to his gums, I darn near pass out!

  14. Angie Ledbetter says:

    PS…Please tell me I’m not the only Nirvana-aholic who stops by several times a day to read comments, which are sometimes as good as Holly’s posts! Please. Anybody?

  15. And if Roadrunner cartoons were still on the air, you’d have some real danger on your hands.

  16. Jenn @ Juggling Life says:

    This doesn’t sound strange to me at all.

    Someone once “accidentally” threw a baseball bat at my house.

  17. Where do you even BUY an anvil? I’m thinking not Toy’rUs.

  18. An ANVIL!
    I once sent my brother to the hospital because I threw a pinecone at his head. If I’d had an anvil, he’d be dead now.

  19. Bwwaaaahahahaha! Love it, Holly!

    ~Brea

  20. I have found that boys have some odd request for Christmas. L.L. asked for a fridge for Christmas last year. He likes to keep his toothpaste in there. 🙂

  21. Melizzard says:

    I’m stuck on the though of who much it must have $$ the grandparents to send an Anvil!

  22. I wouldn’t worry too much until Ryan E. Coyote (super genius) starts ordering birdseed and lead pellets.

  23. Domestic Accident says:

    Is this kid watching too many ’70’s cartoons?

  24. Elizabeth says:

    I just want to be as witty as Holly, Kalynne and Roger!

    Too Funny!!!
    Blessings, and NO Throwing Anvils!

  25. On a limb with Claudia says:

    I see a future in the Olympics. You’re going to have to beef the boy up for him to really become an Olympic champion anvil thrower.

  26. See, that would have been followed by my eyes pooping out of my head.

  27. ~ Straight Shooter ~ says:

    Is he planning a flourishing career in blacksmithing if the rock diamond hunting doesn’t work out for him?

  28. Lisa@verybusymomwith4 says:

    Let me guess–Holly gets all her Christmas shopping done at ACME, right? 😉

  29. seriously? I’m dyin’ here. Your house, is just too fun.
    Love it. 🙂

  30. That’s one hilarious line that I am happy will never be heard in our house. If anything heavier than 1/2 pound gets thrown here, there will be some eBay selling of little human beings.

  31. Sleeping with Ward Cleaver says:

    Oh, I love that he owns an anvil. And his arms got tired–he didn’t throw it, mom!
    My son had his own decorative plunger for a couple of years. We would go the grocery store, he with his fancy plunger (unused, mind you) and careen through the store as PlungerMan! I’m sure people often wondered what a little boy was doing with a plunger in the produce section…

  32. nikkicrumpet says:

    Well that was worth a great big laugh. I loved this story…too funny! And sadly 20 years from now…you’ll still be yelling stupid things at them. It never ends!

  33. I can’t be as witty as Ms. Kalynne, but I am nodding along and smiling…

  34. I once had to tell my son to stop playing his drums with his banana peel.

  35. OMG, an ANVIL? And I thought my boy had some odd requests….

    and, yes, I do yell some strange things at my kids that I pray my neighbors didn’t overhear (but probably did) – I think the most recent was “for the love of GOD – don’t lick the walls!”

  36. I kind of like the baby shoes in the fridge…. Also, I swear I said that at one point as well…

  37. this TOTALLY reminded me of a similar situation last year. my daughter was sad at school when i was there volunteering. i asked what was bothering her. she said “a boy in my class said “Julie’s so stupid” (a black girl) “and I’m really sad because i’m part african american.” WHOA nelly… my family is as white as white can be. I tried to explain she wasn’t, she argued that I had told her she was. “Baby, you’re half HUNGARIAN, eastern european, not african. remember, grandma is 100% hungarian…okay sweetie? it’s nice that you were concerned. that wasn’t a nice thing for that boy to say.”

    i’m going to write a blog on it on my site! thanks for the great story and triggering a memory for me.

  38. It’s nice to know I am not the only one who says weird, goofy and unusual things to their kids! However, I would never buy my son an anvil, because I would be the one breaking my foot by running into it!

  39. The voice of ratoianitly! Good to hear from you.

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