I Love You; Please Leave Me Alone

One of the best times in my life was when now-hubby asked me to marry him. I was over the moon! He was (and still is) my prince and the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with him was irresistible. Yep, he had me at hello . After spending years as a single gal focused on the 3 C's (career, clothing, car) I was ready to settle down and make a new life together.

Of course when I said yes  it never occurred to me exactly how this would affect my day to day life. Take living arrangements, for example. I was one of those people who really enjoyed living alone. I loved having my own space and after great times with friends I could always escape to my apartment for some ˜me ™ time.

Odd as this sounds, I used to relish the occasional Saturday night alone. I ™d take myself out to dinner and pick up an early edition of the Sunday paper. At home I ™d spread the paper out and read every page while listening to a TV show in the background. Me  time at its best.

A couple of weeks before the wedding, I was hit with the revelation that I would have to share my sanctuary when hubby moved in. In a moment of boldness, which hubby instantly regretted, he had the nerve to ask if he could move his stuff  in the week before the wedding so he wouldn't have to pay another month's rent on his bachelor pad. Made perfect sense ¦ to him.

I, on the other hand, saw this as an invasion and realized my alone  time was about to change forever. My head may have actually twisted a full 360 as I said “ no, shrieked – something to the effect of, why do you have to live here? Can't you rent the apartment next door? 

Amazingly, hubby didn't leave me on the spot.

After breathing into a paper bag for several hours (OK, days), I came around. This prince of a guy was more important than me having personal space and closet space. Sort of. I negotiated him down to using the unlit coat closet in the hall for his stuff, and his dresser had to live in another room. But he was in.

Fast forward 15 years and I can't imagine life without hubby. He's simply the best. Although most of his ˜stuff ™ never made it in the house, except for his clothes and dresser. Funny how that happened.

Yet I still crave alone time, whether it's finding time to pursue personal goals or simply having time to myself. To say it's a big challenge is an understatement. It's a constant struggle to balance work/home/family/me. You ™d think this would be relatively easy without human kids. Yes Kylie, you're my wonderful four-legged daughter but I can leave you alone in the house for awhile as long as you have fresh water. Last time I checked this was not appropriate for children.

With the lay-offs came another layer of complexity. Both of us have worked at several things as we carve out the new normal  in our lives. Juggling multiple pursuits saps all our energy and has severely cut into any ˜me ™ time I once had. I ™m torn too, because I ™d like to be with hubby during the little bit of free time that we do have.

Hats off to those of you who successfully work from home. I ™m not sure how you do it. I originally thought that working out of the home office would be the perfect scenario. I was a teensy bit wrong on that one. No, I was horribly wrong. I am unable to separate my work environment from my home, always feeling the need to be in the office working on something. Instead of being easy and convenient, I ™ve become a slave to my desk and computer. None of this is good for finding ˜me ™ time.

So what's a girl to do? I certainly don't have the answer to this dilemma. I keep wishing things would go back to normal, the way they were before the lay-offs, when we were just two crazy kids each working 60 hours a week.

I ™m going to keep looking for ways to get ˜me ™ time. Until then, hubby I adore you, I love you, now leave me alone.

2 Comments

  1. I love this!! My husband and I talk about this all the time because when I lived alone I spent a lot of time alone and I loved it!! Since we met in May 2007, then had a baby in February 2008, I don’t think I have had one single day alone…and it takes a full day to wind me down!! My husband would prefer that I sit in bed with him every night all night and watch TV with him…whether he’s awake or asleep!! Right now, I lay there until our boy is asleep, then wait for hubby to go to sleep, then I get up and have my alone time…and he wonders why I’m up until 1 or 2am every night… 🙂

  2. I have been married for 3 months and can completely relate to this! I thought I was going to lose it and lose him because when he first moved in I was in utter shock. I kept thinking he would just leave but no he was always there. I truly relish alone time. We had to quickly figure out ways to make it work and that meant giving me space but giving him time to do things he enjoys too. Thanks for the post! It makes me feel like I am not crazy about needing space- everyone does!
    Do Dallas Cheap

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