I know I have lamented on numerous occasions that my kids are early risers.
No matter what threats, follow-throughs and grand sleeping schemes I enforce…they just get up early.
Sleeping IN is 6 am at my house.
The problem isn’t that they get up early.
The problem is that they need attention early.
Not only do they need my attention early, but they often need my problem-solving skills as well.
I am usually half asleep during these sessions and feel like they might be getting half asleep answers, but really it is what they deserve for waking up so early.
Here is a recent conversation I had with Ryan pre-6 am:
Mommy. I lost my tooth last night in bed.
Oh, that is good.
No! It is terrible. My mouth is filled up with blood. I am going to throw up.
Not on me!
Yes. I am going to throw up right here.
Please go spit in the sink. NOW.
*Ryan leaves for a moment and I ponder how someone who has a mouthful of blood can carry on such a clear conversation*
Mommy. We were playing in the playroom (need I remind you that it is PRE-6 am?) but we had to stop because of the spider.
You can play around the spider.
No! It is a black widow. It is stuck in the pirate ship. It is huge! It is definitely a black widow.
It is not a black widow.
Yes. It is. I saw it.
Please go upstairs and play.
But the black widow…
I will check on it in a little while. If I have to come up there now it isn’t…
I know. It isn’t going to be pretty.
An hour later I was feeling a little guilty about leaving my three boys upstairs with a poisonous spider.
What kinda mom am I anyway?
I climbed the stairs, entered the playroom of death and sought out the pirate ship with its dangerous cargo.
The boys gasped as I picked up the pirate ship and peered into the hull where the black widow was supposedly held captive.
Ryan cried out as I opened the bars to the spider jail and reached inside with my bare hands.
I pulled out a small transformer action figure that had black feet.
To which Ryan said, “Hey, that ISN’T a black widow.”
I am sure you are as shocked as I was.