Fast forward to 1994. I married my best friend, Amos. We are also a bi-racial couple. But things have changed, right? Yes. They have quite a bit. But do we still get looks in certain areas? Yes. Most definitely. Have I been told that people who marry another race are only hurting their children? Absolutely. Do my children have to deal with some of the same prejudice and racial comments I did? Most definitely.
Prejudice is still out there. I know that. It is in every town and still in so many households. It doesn't go away with a bill being passed, voting rights, or with a black President. It is an idea that has to be flushed out generation by generation. I for one am on the fast track to flushing it out of my family. I took a mental picture of my son a couple of months ago, playing with a pale white boy and a very dark boy. They live on either side of us and I know those boys didn't see it, but I did. It was unity. Acceptance. They just wanted friends to play football with. Their weight, their height, the way they dressed, or the color of their skin was not determining that friendship. I hope I never forget that picture I took. It is a reminder of what we should be. What I should be. And if these boys stay with that idea, maybe they will be the generation that changes for good. We will see.I have recently been reminded by the blogworld that we have come so far, yet have so many more steps to go. A fellow blogger had an interesting conflict with an employee. It had to do with stereotypes and, more than likely, just plain ignorance. It has been at the forefront of my mind since I heard about it.
I am a minority to the United States and I guess to European nations. I am Native American on my mothers side. I am a true Heinz 57 on my fathers (German, Scottish, Czech). Or you can say I ™m Czottman! I grew up in a bi-racial home. But whatever I am, I ™m a shade or four darker than some. On the flip side, a shade or four lighter than others.
How has that affected my life? Greatly. I have been called hateful things as a child. For being white, and also for being Indian. I have been left behind by my authority in school as punishment. You're Indian right? Yeah. You stay here and count to 20. Then you can come.
I recently read a book titled The Wednesday Sisters. It talks about women around the late 60's early 70's and the world's transition at that time. While reading, all I could think about was my mother. Graduated Suma Cum Laude. Received her Bachelor and Master degree's in English in three years. A woman in 1971. A Native American woman in 1971. On top of her gender and race, she wanted to teach on the college level. It was a battle, people. And in the end, she won. She taught English until she died. But in my parents personal life, it was also a battle. They were a married bi-racial couple in 1970. You can imagine some of the things they faced.
Fast forward to 1994. I married my best friend, Amos. We are also a bi-racial couple. But things have changed, right? Yes. They have quite a bit. But do we still get looks in certain areas? Yes. Most definitely. Have I been told that people who marry another race are only hurting their children? Absolutely. Do my children have to deal with some of the same prejudice and racial comments I did? Most definitely.
Prejudice is still out there. I know that. It is in every town and still in so many households. It doesn't go away with a bill being passed, voting rights, or with a black President. It is an idea that has to be flushed out generation by generation. I for one am on the fast track to flushing it out of my family. I took a mental picture of my son a couple of months ago, playing with a pale white boy and a very dark boy. They live on either side of us and I know those boys didn't see it, but I did. It was unity. Acceptance. They just wanted friends to play football with. Their weight, their height, the way they dressed, or the color of their skin was not determining that friendship. I hope I never forget that picture I took. It is a reminder of what we should be. What I should be. And if these boys stay with that idea, maybe they will be the generation that changes for good. We will see.
Fast forward to 1994. I married my best friend, Amos. We are also a bi-racial couple. But things have changed, right? Yes. They have quite a bit. But do we still get looks in certain areas? Yes. Most definitely. Have I been told that people who marry another race are only hurting their children? Absolutely. Do my children have to deal with some of the same prejudice and racial comments I did? Most definitely.
Prejudice is still out there. I know that. It is in every town and still in so many households. It doesn't go away with a bill being passed, voting rights, or with a black President. It is an idea that has to be flushed out generation by generation. I for one am on the fast track to flushing it out of my family. I took a mental picture of my son a couple of months ago, playing with a pale white boy and a very dark boy. They live on either side of us and I know those boys didn't see it, but I did. It was unity. Acceptance. They just wanted friends to play football with. Their weight, their height, the way they dressed, or the color of their skin was not determining that friendship. I hope I never forget that picture I took. It is a reminder of what we should be. What I should be. And if these boys stay with that idea, maybe they will be the generation that changes for good. We will see.
This is so unbelievably moving! I am, likely, a generation younger than everyone here. I have two Jewish parents – with 4 grandparents who are Holocaust survivors. I grew up understanding that we must be tolerant of others given what my grandparents went through. I had friends of all races and religions – and still do. Yet, even in the 90’s – when I was in high school – words were thrown at me that could cut your heart… all because I’m Jewish. It was worse at University when people knew nothing about my background except that I was Jewish. Hitler still lives on in some of those people.
Thank you for sharing your story! Your mom is truly one of a kind and she made the world easier for my mom when she broke through the glass ceiling.
Our differences may separate us from some but they unite us with others. Hopefully the next generation will be one of total tolerance but being kind and respectful is something parents need to teach their kids.
Ordinarily I don’t do the whole blog thing…I always seem to get into political/ethical/religious debates with people that go on ad nauseum. Suddenly it’s Friday and I have carpal tunnel and nothing is done.
But this one caught my eye. I grew up with Mariah and witnessed the cockeyed looks and whispered commentary about her parents…and mine, (and the Korean/American parents…and the white parents that adopted 3 black kids…on and on). My mother was born in northern New Mexico of umpteenth-generation Hispanic farmers. She enlisted in the Army from 1966-1970 (when “The War” meant Vietnam), got out, earned her Nursing degrees from UNM and worked 20 years at a local hospital in the Recovery Room, (while also serving as an officer in the Army Reserve). Retired (again), joined the Air Force and served 16 years on active duty there. She was in Guantanamo Bay, Turkey, Korea, Europe, South America and all over the U.S. At the height of her career, she was the director of nurse accessions for the entire Air Force. If you wanted to be a nurse in the Air Force…you had to go through her. Now, in semi retirement, she does eye surgery nursing…(icky). My personal opinion is that her version of “full” retirement will be slumped over one of her patients.
So why do I share the story of my type-A, achievement-junkie mom?
Mom married dad in 1971. The fruit of a 1969-1970 Army-induced love affair. He is from Oregon, is white, has (had) blond hair and grey eyes. For the most part I think people looked down their noses at my parents. Seeing not achievement, success or drive but little more than a Mexican lady and a white guy and their ethnically blended little boy. Visiting dad’s family provoked an even bigger train wreck when they announced that mom was the second Mexican they knew after the “Mode-boy”, who evidently was the individual my grandfather hired to clean the commodes in the pro shop of his golf course. (insert 3 decades of awkwardness here).
To this day that side of the family, although civil, is very…very far removed from the goings on of the New Mexico Hagel’s…(my first marriage to a Mexican National and my two kids (who resemble George Lopez and Selena Gomez, respectively), did little to unroll the Appalachian welcome mat for us. Who cares….
Our generation has made huge strides. We dated who we wanted, married who we wanted and moved where we wanted. But ignorance never seems to be too terribly far away. One of my stepdaughters announced yesterday that she didn’t want to attend a certain high school because everyone there was white and she hated white people. I’m not ashamed to say I let my irritation show. Ugh, is this a seed I planted?!
Anyway…Mariah. Another awesome post. I remember your mom well and I know she and mother were close right up until Phyllis passed. Take care and God bless!
Aa
hey, mariah. i’m married to amos’ friend, kevin farmer. we met at your wedding. kevin was one of the many groomsmen. 🙂
just wanted to say thanks for writing this. our family has interracial marriages and biracial kids and yeah, sometimes those couples get lousy service in restaurants and ignored while waiting for store clerks. they live in d.c. partly because nobody cares there. someday…
that picture of your mom is totally amazing. what a fantastic smile.
I absolutely loved this. I do think it takes time – generational time – but I also think when couples step across those lines and marry it fast forwards the time a bit. What an amazing legacy your mom left.
Very well written! You rock! Congrats on being featured. You deserve it!
Wow Mariah. What an awesome post. You have been through so much in your life and those trials have shaped you into the wonderful woman that you are today. I am proud to be able to call you my friend. No child should ever have to go through what you and so many others had to endure at the hand of ignorant adults. My hope for te future is that future children will never have to know this kind of behavior. You are a true inspiration.